Pianoforte
by Parabola Beam
Summary: The first step to recovery is admitting something's wrong. Once you let go, you have the freedom to hold onto what really matters. Set after Daughter of White, Neru/Haku-centric, rated for future chapters.
1. Meeting

**Pianoforte**

Just from looking at her, Haku could tell she had a story.

She showed up at the chapel's door on a peaceful night, body weary, eyes bright and focused. Pretty gold and black silks peeped out from beneath the hem of her cloak, slightly mussed from the damp, muddy terrain. The girl looked bold and confident despite her petite stature.

"Are you going to let me in or what?"

Haku realized she'd been staring and gave a little start, stepping aside hastily and almost tripping over her own skirt. "O-Oh, of course! I'm sorry..." She mumbled in embarrassment as the woman stepped inside, tucking a golden lock of hair behind her ear and huffing in annoyance.

"You...must have come a long way..." Haku remarked absently as the woman sat herself down in one of the rows of pews, unresponsive. She looked relieved to be inside. "I'll get you something warm to drink." Her skirt rustled softly as she quickly scurried to the kitchen, putting some water on for tea. As she returned, she saw her mysterious guest peeling her hood back, shaking her long hair wearily as she set the garment aside. There was a truly regal air about her.

"You trying to swallow a fly or something?" For the second time already, she'd caught Haku eyeing her.

"F-Forgive me. I thought I recognized you from somewhere-"

"I doubt it." Haku held her tongue nervously. She was rather short with people, it seemed. Haku waited a few apprehensive moments before asking, "What brings you here?", if for no other reason than to be polite and fill the silence.

"If you really _must _know," she sighed, speaking in a condescending tone. "I'm looking for someone. And once I find him, I'm going to teach him the lesson he deserves." Cloudy anger filled her eyes and she clenched her fists.

"It sounds like you've got quite a journey ahead, I think."

"Yeah. I'll look for him as long as it takes. It isn't right..." She folded her arms, "...for people to hurt others without being punished, right?"

A sudden tightness wound its way into Haku's chest, her throat going thick as breathing became painful. She'd managed for a few weeks without brooding too badly on her friend, the horrible thing she'd almost done for her sake. This woman spoke with so much conviction that she started questioning herself again. Envy grew in the pit of her stomach, wishing she had such courage to call on, such resolve.

But she knew she couldn't harbor ill will against Rin, no matter how great her misdeeds. Rin was so alone now, and she saw too much of herself in her to have the heart to go through with revenge.

Despite her brusque mannerisms, Haku had a feeling there was a tenderness inside, with how deeply she was devoted to her task. "W-Would you like to stay and rest a while?"

"N-No! I don't need you to help me." She flushed and looked away. Haku felt guilty: it was probably rude of her to suggest that such a strong-willed woman could be helped by the likes of herself. It must have been force of habit that made her want to offer help to others, to have that feeling of being needed by someone.

"I just came here. To...to pray." The way she blurted out the word made it clear to Haku she was new to the idea. At least she could help with this. She smiled understandingly and motioned towards the altar, and the woman stepped forward, shedding her cloak. Her golden dress shimmered in the weak candlelight and her silhouette was ethereal, familiar somehow. Haku couldn't quite place it until she kneeled and clasped her hands. She was really beautiful, almost like she was from...

..._royalty_.

Remembering suddenly the colors of the court, Haku felt her pulse quicken. Who was this person? She was positive it couldn't be simple coincidence...

"Please God, guide me on my journey. I want for nothing but to find that traitorous servant, and punish him accordingly for abandoning my lady in her hour of need. And...please, let my queen's spirit watch over me...That's all." She stood up and exhaled, looking relieved it was over with.

A sleepy voice called from the corridor. "Haku, do we have a guest? You left the tea..." The guest jolted in such surprise that she had to cling to the altar for support. Rin stopped mid-yawn and her eyes widened in shock. "I-It...can't be-" She gulped, voice dropping to a whisper, "-Neru?"

Neru gasped, her mouth opening and closing as she searched for words. "My...lady! H-How!" She made a weak noise in her throat and ran, nearly tripping over her dress as she closed the distance between them, throwing her arms around the queen's neck in a tight, frightened embrace, like she was scared she'd disappear if she let go. It was a very joyful display. Haku, thoroughly forgotten, knew she had no place here. She had a sinking feeling, like they were going to both leave her, and she would get left behind.

And once again, Haku would be completely alone.

The two women were chattering excitedly, their faces a spectrum of emotions. It was too much for Haku to handle. In a daze, she quietly stole into the next room, lighting a candle at the small shrine the queen had confessed at not so long ago herself. She knew she was being punished. Solemnly, she kneeled, eyes weak in the low light.

She was scared.

Haku wanted to pray and clear her conscience, do something, let anything out. The words simply would not come to her. There were so many things she wanted to say. She'd always had trouble finding words. The candle's wax had thinned and began dripping onto the wooden desk by the time Haku could think of anything to say.

"I'm s-sorry I couldn't do more for her, or get over what happened. Thank you for bringing someone who can." She bowed her head and wiped her eyes, wishing she had the strength to continue. It dawned on her that their voices had quieted a long time ago. A shadow was in front of her beside her own, and then-

"You knew. Right?"

The harsh edge from Neru's voice had disappeared, and it brought a sense of calm to Haku's frayed spirit. Her shoulders sank and shuddered, body trying to suppress her sobs. Neru's slippers made a soft noise on the stone as she came closer, without fear, and firmly placed her small hands on Haku's shoulders.

"Hey now, settle down." Neru shushed her gently as the gesture relaxed her, allowed her to let go of her tears. It made her realize how starved she'd been for a new friend, someone whose touch she didn't fear.

"It...was good of you to take her in, I guess." She began absently rubbing her shoulders. "I appreciate it." She knelt and circled her arms around Haku's shoulders, giving a gentle squeeze, hesitating before lowering her face into her neck and whispering a very hasty "oh thank you so much".

The gesture was so tender that it actually brought a brief smile to Haku's wet face. As she lifted a hand to pat Neru's arm, the girl squeaked and grew heavy, ceding many tired, raspy sobs. She turned and let her sink to her knees, allowed her cling to Haku's dress and cry. Her cheeks were bright red with embarrassment, and as she whimpered and rubbed her eyes, Haku realized that she herself was not the only one who couldn't find absolute comfort in the queen's arms.

"Puh-Please," Neru sniffed when the worst had passed, eyes wide, mouth trembling. "D-Don't say anything about...ugh." She wiped her eyes hard and covered her face. "I just don't w-want her to worry. This...didn't happen, okay?"

Haku didn't take the stern words too personally, sensing that she had her reasons for behaving the way she did. She understood completely what it was like to have to hide things.

She helped the woman to her feet, watching with admiration how quickly she straightened up and squared her shoulders. As they made their way back down the corridor, she couldn't help but feel a sense of fulfillment.

Haku had been able to make herself helpful to her new guest after all.

**A/ N: **So, this is my biggest project as of now. This story's going to be quite long, unlike what I usually write, and it's going to have -gasp- a plot. XD It's definitely going to have Neru/Haku as the main pairing though. :3 Anyway, thank you for reading the first chapter! Feel free to review if you like.


	2. Uprooted

**Uprooted**

By the time they'd returned to the foyer, Neru had managed to wring most of the shame from her face. It had been a really, really long time since she'd cried like that. In the arms of a near-stranger, no less.

And if the queen's story of escape were as unpleasant as her own, she'd have to fight off the urge to do some more.

"Here Neru," the queen said when they had all taken a seat around the small kitchen table, "I made this earlier, you should eat something." She pulled back a checkered cloth from a serving dish.

Brioche.

"_Y-You _made this?" Neru stared incredulously. Since when did the queen _cook_?

"Well, Haku helped me." Rin smiled sheepishly. She behaved so humbly now that it almost unnerved Neru.

"Oh, not much. It was mostly Rin-ah, the tea..." Haku went to the counter and set about pouring three cups of tea, returning with them in tow and quietly taking a seat. Rin giggled and made to cut a piece of her creation and give it to Neru, but the would-be recipient caught her by the wrist.

"Y-Your highness..." Neru stared at her blankly. "...you shouldn't be...here, let me." Neru tried to take the serving utensil, but Rin resisted.

"You don't need to call me that anymore." She said with a gentle firmness. "I'm not a queen anymore. And technically, that means you're not my handmaiden anymore either, right?"

"What? That's crazy! Queen or not, I owe my life to you, and there's no way I'd forget that, or abandon you, unlike that rogue manservant." Her blood was boiling. "When they stormed the castle, I would've been by your side in a heartbeat had a soldier not clocked me right over the head." She laughed dryly, taking a sip of tea. "It really should've killed me, but as luck would have it I only blacked out for a while. I think the only thing that saved me was the fact that you played so rough with me as a young girl. It really must've prepared me for just that moment." She mused, before remembering her anger. "But anyway, since I was unable to protect you, it was Len's responsibility! How could he just run away?"

Rin's face had a sudden emptiness about it, and Neru caught her tongue. She'd been rambling away before even thinking about what she was saying, and now that she stopped to take into account that her queen was _alive_, something didn't add up. Neru was sure that the queen had been executed shortly after the storming of the castle; after all, that was what had so galvanized her to embark on a quest to punish him for letting such a thing happen.

But the _queen _was _alive_.

"He...didn't." Rin folded her arms on the table, hugging herself tightly. Haku and Neru were both very quiet as she began to tremble. "_I _did."

All at once everything clicked into place for Neru.

"Len...took your place." At this, Rin crumpled, sobbing into the sleeves of her nightgown mournfully.

"It should've been me!" the small girl wailed, gasping and shuddering as the tears continued running down her face, "It should've been m-me!" She stayed like that for a few moments. Haku's expression looked grim, and Neru felt a sense of guilt: their lives were already turned upside-down, and now her presence here was dragging the solemn young woman into their complicated affairs. Rin straightened up and tried to regain her composure, still sniffling miserably. Neru was still in too much shock to do anything. To think that the one she'd been pursuing with such fervor had, in truth, made that kind of sacrifice for the queen...

She was surprised when Haku rose from her seat, an expression of pained empathy on her face, and walked to Rin's side. Reaching out hesitantly, like she was a wounded animal, she pulled her into a gentle embrace, murmuring that she understood just how she felt. Neru watched with awe. Despite the baggage in their lives, Haku had accepted them, comforted them. Knowing that Rin was the deposed queen hadn't changed the way she shared herself with them, and although such kindness didn't make sense to Neru, it was something she could respect. She knew for sure that Haku was a trustworthy, good-hearted person.

Not to be outdone, she stood and joined the embrace, and the combined effort stilled Rin's shaking body some. She'd always known she was good at putting her foot in her mouth, but this was easily the worst offense.

"I'm sorry..." She dabbed her eyes on her sleeve again, slurring her gratitude. In the end, it was Haku who gave Neru some brioche: she broke off from the group first and busied herself refilling nigh-untouched tea.

"So...you are both from the castle then?" Haku asked. It seemed to diffuse some of the tension.

"Yeah. I served as...Rin's handmaiden since I was really little. Although," she chuckled, "I wasn't really the typical kind. Mostly I was a playmate of sorts. But I didn't mind at all. In fact, if she hadn't insisted on having such a friend at her side...well, being adopted into a family of handmaidens usually doesn't mean having the kind of life I had with Rin. She saved me from having to do _real _work."

"Oh Neru!" Rin couldn't help but crack a smile. Even Haku's face seemed to lighten up.

"But in all seriousness," Neru continued, "I don't know how I would've lasted if I didn't have someone to talk to. Everything in the world just feels so much heavier than you when you have to face it alone." Haku gave a sage half-nod, looking to be deep in thought.

"That's a beautiful story." Despite the nature of the sentiment, Neru could hear the sadness in Haku's voice, an almost empty quality that she couldn't get over. Before she could dwell on it more though, Rin spoke.

"By the way Neru, however did you escape? You didn't get too badly hurt, did you?"

Neru stiffened and took a long sip of her tea to stall for time. She was definitely not yet ready to relive the details of what the castle was like after she'd regained consciousness. "It's kind of a long story." She finally took a bite of the brioche; it was actually quite delicious. Purposefully, she slowly chewed the dense, cake-like treat as she thought of what to say, realizing that by taking so long to answer she was probably drawing more attention to it. Swallowing hastily, she continued. "And I can tell it later, but for right now we have to get you to a safer location."

"Why?" Rin asked, startled by the sudden urgency, "I thought the only ones that knew of this place were you, myself, and..." She closed her eyes. Neru could tell she'd loved him very much. "L-Len, and, well, Haku now too. But this, wasn't it our secret place, as children?"

"Yeah, and that's why I came here first while-" She had to choose her words carefully: Rin's loss was still very fresh. "-while I was looking. But, there's bad stuff happening in town. I think the only reason it's taking time for people to find this place is because everyone's busy with their new king." She spat the last word with obvious disgust. "You remember Prince Kaito, I'm sure?"

If the mood weren't already grim, it somehow darkened further immediately.

"That god-damned manslut-"

"Neru!" Rin scolded, "It's bad luck to swear like that in a church."

"Sorry. That..." Rin gave Neru a look. "Fine, point is, he's muscling his way up the throne."

"Hm. He sure moves fast." A hint of disdain colored Rin's words as well. She turned to Haku sheepishly. "I'm sorry, this is all probably a lot to take in..."

"Oh no." Haku frowned. "I'm familiar with the prince." Neru was slightly taken aback: until then, she'd never heard such bluntness from her; and perhaps even hostility. She was curious as to what possible relation she may have had with him, but Haku's cheeks pinkened under her scrutiny and the quiet women quickly brought her tea to her lips, avoiding eye contact. Rin took that as a cue to continue.

"But there's not much I can do about it anyway, even if I wanted to."

"You're just going to let him-?"

"Neru. I won't. I won't go back to a time where I have any sort of influence on the lives of others." Her tone was surprisingly firm. "I've done enough."

She stared long and hard at Rin. In this moment, more than anything that came just prior, she could truly see the difference the revolution had cleaved into her, and worried about what it meant for the future. More than anything, Neru wanted to go back to simpler times, just her, Len, and her queen, completely carefree. Their world had been effectively thrown into chaos, as far as Neru was concerned, and the queen seemed to be at ease with it. Her loss was great enough to overshadow any desire to even go back to a time that reminded her of it.

Rin would never really be her queen again.

"You've changed." She finally blurted. Rin laughed without humor.

"Oh, Neru. I...wish I could explain myself to you better. But, having someone special...they make you see. You'll know it sometime, I'm sure. But you have to promise me that when you do, you won't make my mistakes." She took Neru's hand suddenly, eliciting an awkward, surprised gasp. "Make sure...they know how you feel."

She sounded so _old_.

"Ahm, okay. I promise, if it makes you feel better." Rin seemed satisfied, at any rate. "But anyway, where you go, I go. And we should leave before you're discovered by the wrong people. I know somewhere safe, and the sooner we get there the better."

"Alright then, we'll leave midday tomorrow, because Neru," She insisted over the girl's protests, "you seriously need rest."

"Fine then. But what about Haku?" Neru turned to her, who had been keeping quiet for the most part. "I think she should come with us, it may not be safe for her to be here anymore soon anyway. And seeing as that's kinda our fault..." She twirled a lock of golden hair absently. Now _she _was starting to sound like the nice one. But she didn't feel right just leaving Haku behind.

Rin looked to Haku worriedly. "I couldn't insist you come along and risk getting tangled in our troubles. You've done so much for me already."

"Well...I sort of am already." The woman laughed delicately, and Neru tried to read her. She couldn't be sure whether she meant so as a result of Neru's own surprise arrival or if there was something more to her involvement.

"Even so, I wouldn't blame you at all if you wanted to separate from us."

Haku squeezed her teacup in her hands. "O-Oh no, not at all. I would like to please accompany you both, if that's alright."

"You're sure?" Rin still looked apprehensive, but Haku nodded firmly.

"I...don't have anyone left that would miss me." Her wistful voice made Neru glad she had accepted the offer. She had been so kind to them, even in the face of Neru's initially abrasive personality, and knowing that being with them would help quell the lonely feeling that emanated from her so strongly made her feel a little more buoyant.

"Then that settles it, we'll all leave tomorrow." She smiled towards Haku. "The three of us."

**A/N: **That chapter was probably the one that'll have taken the most energy to write, so future updates might go easier. XD Thanks for reading, please review if you feel like it~!


	3. Origin

**Origin**

It was a strange feeling at first, knowing she was again about to leave behind another home forever. The severance was quick: Neru had insisted they wouldn't need to bring much, and their departure was without much ceremony. Haku wasn't sure whether or not to be grateful for the brevity, but at the very least it prevented her from brooding too heavily on what couldn't be helped.

As agreed, they'd left at midday, so they'd have some cover of nightfall for part of the trip. Neru didn't expect it to take terribly long, just a few hours, so the three left in reasonably good spirits. She never said where they were going, simply that it was very well hidden and that they'd be safe.

There was a long, old trail that lead up to the castle, which had, a while ago, fallen into disuse. The three of them followed it part of the way, until Neru took them off the beaten path and into a meadow with soft, rolling hills. As they travelled, Haku noticed that despite her energetic demeanor, it was, surprisingly, Neru who seemed most fatigued out of the three of them. Haku herself wasn't of the strongest constitution, but she'd been working for just about her entire life, so walking around was something she'd grown used to. She glanced at Rin; she was holding up decently, with only a little moisture on her brow. It seemed that she was adjusting steadily to life outside the palace.

Neru looked miserable, but she kept in front to try hiding it. It made Haku worry: from the little time she'd known Neru, it was obvious that she was prideful, almost to a fault.

"Perhaps-" Haku spoke up as they reached the top of a hill, "-perhaps we should rest for a few minutes, before our daylight runs out?" The sun was about to start setting, and Rin's brioche seemed to get better each time anyway.

"That sounds like a good idea. Is that alright, Neru?"

"Well, if you both are _that_ tired-" Her stomach rumbled noisily, followed by the peal of the queen's laughter. "-yeah sure."

They stopped and shared a brief interlude over Rin's brioche before continuing. It was uncannily uneventful of a walk until a thick, lush forest came into view, peeking through the heavy fog of nightfall.

Haku stopped walking. Something felt horribly wrong. Neru turned around and raised an eyebrow, spurring her to start moving again. What was this sudden feeling of sick, heavy dread?

It must've been just her being paranoid. She tried to stop worrying, but she just couldn't shake that terrible feeling, one that made her blood feel cold and her hands clammy with restless anxiety.

She could remember feeling this way a very long time ago too. Her mind itched as it tried connecting her thoughts. The three of them were getting closer, deeper through the fog, the trees becoming more discernible with each passing step. Branches snapped and cracked beneath their feet as they navigated their way just inside the forest, and almost immediately, it finally hit Haku, like a poison blade from thin air being driven deep into her heart.

"Neru," Her voice was strained and frightened, abrupt, "wh-where are we going?" She already knew, but she had to be sure, had to hear it from someone else to make sure this wasn't some sort of dream.

Or nightmare.

Neru stopped walking, her shoulders sagging slightly.

"Where are we, Neru?" Now Rin was wary too.

"It's better you don't know." She started moving again, the other girls following behind nervously.

"You're worrying me, please, what's wrong?" Rin asked with increasing concern. Haku hugged herself as they wandered deeper amongst the trees. She didn't want to get left behind due to Neru's brisk pace, reluctant as she was to continue. When she ignored them again, Haku couldn't help herself; in a rare display of forwardness, she placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I...I'm sorry, but please..." Haku begged.

Neru still seemed apprehensive, but relented. "My friend, Gumi, told me about this place."

"Ah, you mean...our Gumi?" Rin's eyes widened. Neru nodded.

"Yes, she told me stories all the time about her childhood. Before she became the castle alchemist, she lived here. This is...well, was, the Village of Green."

Haku had thought that Neru saying it, it being definite would somehow make it more bearable, but she was sorely mistaken. The revelation had left the mood grave; everyone had quieted considerably. For half a second, she wanted to turn around and run as fast as her legs could carry her, but conceded to continuing: it would simply be too dangerous to head back by herself, now that it was so dark.

Even if she could bear being alone again.

Neru was leading them deeper in, darkness settling fast. In her anxiety, Haku's breathing grew ragged: she wasn't ready, wasn't ready to see any of this ever again. Her deepened breaths drew in a lingering, ashy scent, and suddenly it all came back; the smoke, the fire, the death, soot, the cloying smell of old trees with singed bark-

In a wave of nausea, she lost her balance, foot sliding against rotting wood as it gave under her weight. She shuddered, gripping the earth in her pale hands. It was all too familiar of a feeling. Many times had she been like this, prostrate on the forest floor beneath the jeers, hair-pulling, and taunts of the other, green-haired girls.

She couldn't do this again. The ground blurred as she fumbled to get up, but it was as though the entire forest was on top of her, rooting her to the spot, beckoning her into the thick, dark brush.

Soft, sunny-gold silk teased the ground in front of her, and she felt Neru's hands on her shoulders. Hot tears warmed her face as she managed to lift her head, letting Neru ease her to her feet. She still felt terribly shaky.

"We have to hurry." Neru squeezed Haku's wrist and pulled urgently. "It's getting dark."

Haku nodded, face white as a sheet, voice weak. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, we'll get there soon." She looked over her shoulder. "Rin?" Their companion was wandering on ahead aimlessly, leaving their side. She never went so far ahead that she left their sight, but Haku could tell that Neru was deeply unnerved to not be right at her side. Haku worked hard to keep up with Neru as she pulled her along, worried she'd slip right through her nervous fingers and be left alone if she weren't fast enough. There was barely any light in the forest now. Haku could only just make out the shapes of the trees-

She would've stopped moving if she weren't being pulled: it was the old tree, the thickest and wisest of the entire forest, where she used to pray.

Where she met her one friend.

The leaves lay in singed heaps around the base, the trunk's bark scorched black beyond healing.

It was dead.

Her heart throbbed painfully, followed by a deeper, sick surprised feeling in her gut as her foot caught on a root in distraction, twisting sharply as she was pulled to the ground with a cry of pain. Neru had only just managed to avoid falling down herself, yelping and trying to pull Haku to her feet a second time. Haku tried to stand, but a sharp pain shot up her ankle the moment she put weight on it and she buckled to her knees again. Her head was swimming, this couldn't be happening-

"You're hurt, aren't you?" Neru swore. She hesitated a moment, looking between Haku and Rin, the latter of which had stopped to stare at something in a clearing and hadn't moved in a while. Haku massaged her ankle gingerly, feeling utterly useless. She could tell Neru wanted to stay close to her queen, that she herself was already the odd one out, the dead weight amongst the group.

"If...If you want to, ahm..." Haku bowed her head shamefully, "...you can leave me." She resisted the urge to add 'I'm used to it'. Neru sighed and kneeled in front of her, placing a hand over hers.

"Hey, hey, don't be like that..." Her palm was warm on her cheek as she brushed her thumb under her damp eyes. "I don't know who would have the heart to leave someone as helpless as you out here alone." She gave Haku's hand a firm squeeze and carefully helped her to her feet, supporting her and slowly walking her towards where Rin was looking around. Haku's grip tightened slightly with each step.

"Please..." Haku could see the warmth of her trembling breath dispersing into the cool forest air, "...please don't let go."

"Don't worry," Neru stroked Haku's fingers reassuringly. "I won't."

The brief moment of security lasted until they reached Rin's side, and finally saw what she'd been staring at for the past moments.

"I don't understand though." Haku heard Rin say as she stared at the ground to quell her nausea, "Where are you taking us? Everything's...gone."

Haku thought it couldn't get any worse than looking at the ruined shambles of the village.

"We're not there yet. There's somewhere else, deeper in, where one place was left alone during the massacre."

Haku couldn't have been more wrong.

Rin swallowed. "That...can't be..." Neru started moving again, causing Haku's stomach to lurch as she guided her along, reminding her of the sharp pain in her ankle. It wasn't enough to distract her from the myriad of buried emotions, of long-closeted skeletons about to spill out.

"I only knew about it through Gumi." Neru continued leading them past the rubble. "Well...sort of. She used to try and scare me with stories. Turns out the village had a dirty little secret."

"What do you mean?" Haku asked quietly. She wanted so badly to not know what Neru was about to say.

Neru turned to look right at her. "She told me that at the deepest part of the forest, some freak of nature lived away from all the others." She chuckled at Haku's grim expression. "But don't worry. After all this happened, I came to check it out and she was just pulling my leg. There's no such thing, I mean-look! See?"

Neru pointed somewhere ahead of them, Haku's gaze following her gesture.

And on the end of Neru's finger, the house.

The remaining steps bridging them to the cottage's front steps went by as little more than a blur to Haku as she limped alongside Neru. She wasn't sure whether or not she was going to be sick. Her ankle twinged at her angrily, tauntingly, as if reminding her of her own helplessness.

Neru turned the handle of the door and pushed. They all stepped inside and it was all just too much, overwhelming, and Haku felt her world just sway as she fell with a swoon against Neru, unconscious.

Everything looked exactly how she'd left it.

**A/N: **I feel so accomplished after finishing this chapter~, oh my gosh. XD Next chapter is when things start getting really really interesting! I hope you've enjoyed reading it so far, thank you for taking the time to! Please leave a review if you liked it, I appreciate each and every one of them!


	4. Tuning

**Tuning**

"Do you suppose her ankle will be alright?"

"It should be better in the morning." Neru remarked, cradling Haku's head in her lap. With Rin's help, she'd managed to get her onto the bed so she'd be more comfortable. "I'm honestly more worried about how she just...fainted like she did."

Rin sat on the opposite edge of the bed, peering at Haku curiously. "It might just be that she's tired." She decided. After a second of hesitation, "I...I'm not sure though."

Neru's brow knit in concentration as she looked down at the unconscious woman. She wasn't at all convinced it could be simple fatigue that warranted such a reaction. In the moments leading up to her collapse, she'd seemed progressively anxious and unwell. As she wondered on it further, Rin got up and proceeded to better familiarize herself with their new surroundings. At least, new to Rin.

"Have you ever seen her like that before?"

Rin shook her head. "No...Haku's always been so calm and quiet. Maybe it's the stress of leaving...home." Rin trailed off, the mood suddenly heavy. Neru bowed her head and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore what feelings she couldn't deal with just yet. "I think I'll go take a look in back." Neru looked up quickly, mouth twisted in consternation.

"Don't wander too far."

"Relax, Neru, it's no big deal." Rin chuckled, already nearing the door. "I'll be just outside here."

She left the two of them alone inside. Neru's mind drifted to the home she'd known and left. Everything had been so simple then. A knot formed in her stomach: she was being stupid. It did no good to dwell on what was done and over, and she knew there wasn't any going back. Neru stroked Haku's cheek thoughtfully, and couldn't help but notice how she seemed to respond to the tender gesture, even in sleep: her head seemed to loll needily towards her palm, a weary groan passing her lips. Her eyes blinked open in awakening.

"About time! I-We were starting to worry about you!" Neru grinned, thankful for the distraction from her tiresome thoughts.

"S-Sorry..." Haku made to sit up, but was held back down.

"Now now, don't hurt yourself." Neru huffed, sliding out from beneath Haku's head to crawl to the end of the bed where her feet lay. "How's your foot?"

"O-Oh...ahm, it's...it's fine. I think-aahh!" She yelped as Neru began prodding various spots around her ankle.

"You're a really bad liar." Neru scolded. Haku didn't seem to hear her: she was looking around nervously, taking in her surroundings. "Lemme see. I'm actually kinda good with my hands."

"Th-That's alright, I don't want to trouble you-" Haku protested half-heartedly as Neru lifted her foot into her lap delicately.

"Oh shush. It's the least I can do." Neru massaged the ball of her foot, lightly at first, steadily increasing the pressure. Getting used to the contours, she learned what spots were particularly tender and worked her way down to the heel, trying her best to make Haku comfortable. It was only truly worrisome as Neru drew near the arch. She tried to be gentle, but Haku curled her fingers into the sheets and made a short sound of pain.

"I used to do this all the time for the queen." Neru blurted, trying to distract her. Haku hissed as she drew her fingers against the sensitive, inner side of her foot.

"O-Oh, I can tell, you're quite good-"

"You're a really, really bad liar."

"N-No I mean it, it's really only that one spot-th-there! Nnh..." Haku squeaked as she revisited the arch, rubbing hard into the most sore area.

"That was a nasty spill you took there." Neru's fingers idled around her toes, before she pushed them back with her palm to alleviate the cramping. There was a lot she wanted to ask Haku about, but she wasn't sure how to ask. She pet her foot softly, expression sheepish. "I didn't mean to rush you so much."

Haku smiled at her kindly, and Neru knew she understood that this was her roundabout way of apology. "It's alright. I'm already feeling a little better." Their interlude was interrupted as Rin re-emerged from the back door.

"Thank goodness you're alright, Haku. I don't know what I'd do without you." Rin giggled.

"Hey, I'm right here you know." Neru pouted. She kept her tone lighthearted but in truth the remark stung.

"She really is helpful." Haku said quietly. Neru cracked a somewhat proud smile.

"See, Haku appreciates me." Rin rolled her eyes and grinned, but her cheerful expression faded. "What's wrong?" Neru asked quickly, concerned.

"Oh...I just...it's great that you lead us here Neru, but what do we do from here?" Neru felt that sensation of uselessness creeping up on her again, like Rin was accusing her of not planning enough ahead. The last thing she'd admit was that she had no idea what to do.

"Well...we probably need to just lay low for a while. I mean we can't risk being found by anyone of Kaito's. Once things settle down a bit we might be able to go back or something."

"I suppose that sounds feasible...but we also have to figure out how we're going to eat, at least." Rin looked worried. "There's a lot of fruit and things outside, but they won't last forever."

"Ahm..." Neru and Rin looked towards Haku, who had been listening wordlessly until now. "I...I think some of the fruit can be traded in town for other ingredients. If we save a few of the seeds I can grow new things. And we can get seeds for different things too."

"That's a splendid idea, Haku!" Rin beamed. The immense relief on her face, and Haku's bashful blush made Neru jealous as can be. Why did she feel like the odd one out? "If we go into town and find the right ingredients I can probably cook something involving what we already have-"

"But it's too dangerous." Neru interrupted, more out of spite than out of reason. "The townspeople don't exactly think kindly of us. Who knows what'll happen if we're recognized? We can't risk it." Rin looked crestfallen.

"W-Well..." Haku spoke tentatively, "...I could go and do it. I used to live there for a time, so I already know my way around, sort of." Delight flooded back into Rin's face, eyes lighting up in a way that made Neru want to gag.

"Haku, you're such an angel. Isn't this great Neru? Things are going to work out just fine." She didn't have to say it, but Neru knew what else Rin was thinking.

_Thanks to Haku._

"Yeah, I guess. We'll just have to figure out the details tomorrow. I'm tired. I had to hold Haku up on the way here and stay awake to tend her foot." Neru grouched, her sudden bitterness pushing worry into Haku's expression. Rin frowned admonishingly at her and smiled at Haku warmly.

"Don't mind her, she just gets a little grumpy when she doesn't have her beauty sleep." Neru tried to ignore how buddy-buddy they were by fluffing up one of the pillows and shaking out a blanket. "Ah," Rin got up and took another blanket, "let me help."

"I can do it myself you know-"

"Neru-" Rin sighed, "I'm not helpless. Oh, but..." Rin put the blanket back, looking around. "...there's just one bed."

"Well, we're all girls here." Neru shrugged. "If Haku sleeps on the floor it'll be just like home." She joked, but Rin was not amused.

"What a terrible thing to say! She's hurt, and after all she's done and is doing for us-"

"Relax, I was only kidding!" Neru cut her off shortly, not wanting to hear her sing Haku's praises yet again. "We're pretty small, so we should fit, even with Haku." She crawled into bed between the two of them. "Now let's get some sleep."

The girls curled up beneath the blankets, Neru clutching onto a somewhat reluctant Rin until morning came. As the dawn broke, they set about exploring their new home and deciding who was best suited to what chores. They first checked the garden to find fruit for Haku to replant and take to town. There was quite a bit leftover, and thankfully the ground this deep in the forest was not robbed of necessary nutrients.

Haku returned from town later that day, having made good on her word to bring back more to cook with and a few small necessities, much to Rin's delight. Neru's sense of uselessness heightened over the coming days: Haku was working miracles in the garden, doing their laundry on top of that every morning, and Rin was steadily getting better and better at cooking. Determined to be of help, Neru insisted on recleaning the kitchen after Rin had tidied up, much to her mounting chagrin.

"Neru, how many times do I have to tell you? I did that already, you don't need to do it over!" She ignored Rin, continuing to clean to the point of obsession. She wanted to be useful, to her _queen-_

"If you want to help so badly, Haku would probably welcome your assistance-" Haku, perfect Haku looked up from the laundry at the mention of her name, a tiny, amiable smile on her lips.

Neru snapped.

"No! You can't just give me away to her like this!" She'd had enough of feeling pushed away. All she wanted was to have a sense of constancy again, so she could forget about what it took to get to this point.

"What in the world is wrong with you Neru?" Rin lambasted her angrily. "You're being such a child, wasn't it you who insisted we stay here, and work together? And what's your problem with Haku anyway?" Neru scoffed and looked away, doing anything she could to hide the hurt in her face. "She's risking so much just to help us and you can't even find it in yourself to be polite!" Rin glared at Neru, but the embarrassment in her eyes stung more than the anger. "Your attitude is shameful."

"What? What-? You're one to talk!" Neru knew she was about to say things she shouldn't, things that were unforgivable, but she couldn't stop herself. "This coming from someone who pitches a fit over some guy just because he falls for some little tartlet-" Rin was quivering, and she could hear Haku beginning to sob from her corner of the room. "-and so you make Len-"

"_That's enough!_" It happened so quickly she forgot to breathe. Rin had bridged the distance between them and hit her hard across the cheek with her open palm. Neru half-lay, half-sat on the ground, her hand over her face, eyes wide with shock.

She'd never been struck by her queen before. The action was familiar, from former days watching her with her subjects,

With the_ foolish raff_.

Rin quickly clasped her hands over her mouth, trembling anew as she stared down at Neru, a horrified expression in her eyes.

"G-God Neru, I-I'm, I can't-" She shook her head with disbelief, "-no, no, I'm sorry-" She knelt in an attempt to draw her into an embrace, but Neru shoved her harshly and rose to her feet.

"Just stop it!" She screamed, wetness painting her cheeks, "I don't even know you anymore!" Unable to bear looking at the meek, timid, stranger any longer, she dashed through the door to the backyard, sucking in lungfuls of night air greedily as she finally let go of some long-suppressed tears, sinking to a crouch. It was still chilly out, but at this point, anything was warmer than what it was like indoors.

She had hoped that the space would do something for her. The cold and solace left her with nothing with thoughts she couldn't wish away. Neru waited a long time, but no one came out to check on her. What was she expecting anyway? Rin didn't understand. Maybe she did, but Neru had screwed up by goading her, and...

...What was _wrong_ with her?

Despite promising herself she wouldn't, Neru began to cry. She didn't know what to do, for her queen or even herself. Had she really done everything she could for the queen? When it was so little, it made her brother's sacrifice seem paltry. There wasn't anyone left to need her.

A growing beam of soft gold light caught her attention as the door opened and Haku approached her, a cup cradled in her hands. She carefully held it out to Neru.

"S-Sorry if this is a bad time, but...you've been out here a while so I thought maybe something warm, would..." She seemed genuinely surprised when Neru reached up to accept the drink without complaint.

She just didn't have the _energy_ to hate her.

"She doesn't understand why I'm this way." Neru said finally, staring down into her tea and letting the aroma overtake her. Haku took her lack of hostility as an invitation to take a seat beside her silently. "I just want to take care of her. I can't...I...I can't lose her too..." Haku's lips parted briefly, a tiny movement, but soon closed again. Neru sighed with resignation, faintly surprised at herself for having breathed a word of her ordeal to Haku, of all people.

Was it maybe the warm steam from the tea wafting towards her face, that was relaxing her? Or did she really feel that relieved that someone had been thinking of her after all, enough to come and simply listen?

"That day, when the rebels stormed the castle...I was separated from Rin in all the panic. People were going in all directions, I was so worried for her that I couldn't tell who was on what side. I had no way of knowing whether or not she was safe. One of the attackers was holding on to me." Neru sighed and took a sip of her tea to stall. "I was shouting and screaming to be let go, and my...one of the palace guards, he begged me not to move. He was there, fending them off...m-my big brother, Nero."

Everything blurred over as tears rolled ceaselessly down her cheeks. Haku was ever silent beside her. Neru was torn between clamming up or just blurting it all out at once. Her nose was running, so she wiped it on her sleeve. Moving and taking the time to do so somehow lent her a bit of resolve.

"He was-" She hated that word, _was. _"-was always so prot...ective. I didn't...listen." She hiccuped, and Haku squeezed the hand not holding her tea. Until then, Neru hadn't realized she'd been holding it. Had she really been numbing down so much? "I broke free somehow, I didn't even care that I was running near an armed rebel, but Nero, he-he'd never taken his eyes off me, even while fighting, so he was there, and-I was-I just couldn't-I got hit over the head from behind and went unconscious." She shook her head, wisps of golden hair settling around her face.

Could she even finish? Somewhere inside she knew she had to. She knew she'd never get this far again. Haku's palm was cool and soft against hers, her thumb trailing over a knuckle absently. She felt surreally relaxed.

"I don't know how long I was out. It should've killed me, really. N-Nero was...already gone, on top of me. Even then, he-he was protecting me. M-My dress got bl-dirty, so everyone must've assumed I was already dead. When I woke up, all around me was-" Her face sank into her knees, a heavy, loud sob breaking away. She didn't know whether to describe the horrible scene as "everyone" or "no one". It was probably a little of both. "I didn't know what had happened and I was too scared to stay where I was, so I went to the queen's chambers to look for her, but couldn't find anyone. Then I looked out the window and saw everyone gathered in town, and-I just ran away."

Haku gave her hand another squeeze, which she reciprocated. She wondered if Haku was really okay listening to all of it.

"I must have been out cold for at least a few days. It...it was all my fault that Nero d-died. It would've been me on the end of that sword." She swallowed thickly, "It _should've_ been me." Finally, Neru managed to look up at Haku.

The other woman's lips were trembling, tears simply pouring from her eyes unremittingly. She felt her insides wringing themselves out inside her at the sight. Her expression transcended that of simple listening: she looked as though she was feeling everything she felt right along with her.

"I didn't want things to change like this." Neru sniffled, casting about for what to say. "I wanted things to just...stay as they were, you, you know-?"

Haku nodded vigorously and Neru let her pull her into a hug. It was very brief: the woman's face colored and she drew back apprehensively. Neru gave her a small smile and wiped her face on her sleeve again, standing up with Haku.

"I'll...I'll try to get used to it. She's still here after all, so I've still got a reason to keep going, at any rate." Haku was worrying the hem of her apron in her fingers, her eyes somewhat vacant. Perhaps she was tired, Neru reasoned. She had spent an awful long time listening to her.

They stepped indoors, crawling into bed beside the already fast-asleep Rin. Haku turned over and snuffed out the candle nearby. Neru lay there between them for a moment. It felt odd to not curl up beside the queen-no, _Rin,_-like usual. She whimpered softly through her lips, knowing she had to be strong. This was_ really _going to take some getting used to.

Haku must have heard her: she turned herself towards Neru, glancing between her and the bed nervously, eyes still damp. Following a moment of trepidation, she lifted the edge of their blanket shyly.

An invitation.

Neru didn't bother hiding her relief as she inched forward, settling into Haku's embrace. The softness of her body eased her tensions and filled her with a pleasantly heavy feeling as her arm draped over her shoulders, holding them close. Neru blinked out the last of her tears against Haku's neck, wet butterfly kisses.

Haku was really wonderful.

As she slipped peacefully towards an undisturbed slumber, Neru decided that maybe she could get used to this, as well.

**A/N: **Long chapter this time! It was sad to write in parts. ;u; But the plot is definitely thickening~, and awww they grew a little closer. X3 I'm so sorry this took so long, I was graduating high school and doing all this boring schoolwork when I wanted to this and hnngh~. Anyway, thanks so so much for reading, please leave a review if you feel like it! They really make my day. :3


	5. Leitmotifs

**Leitmotifs**

The pain in Haku's foot had left with the coming dawn, along with the previous night's tensions between the three of them. She quietly ran a comb through Neru's long, amber hair as Rin chattered with renewed spirit, barely able to keep still for Neru.

"I knew you'd warm up to her, I'm so glad you're getting along so well!" She giggled jovially, "Of all things to wake up to, the last thing I expected was to see you cuddling. It was so cute!"

Neru didn't say anything, but from what Haku could see of her ears, she was sure her face was poppy-red.

"Rin, you're so lucky. Your short hair is so manageable and you can do lots with it at this length." Neru fluffed it with the brush, and Haku could sense she was changing the subject.

"Hmmhm..." Rin made a sound that was barely a laugh, her mind seemingly elsewhere. "...Ah, what about Haku? Here, let me, I didn't have to do anyone's yet."

"No, I want to! You didn't have as much to play with!" Haku was secretly glad that Neru had stepped in. Although she'd been living with her for a while, there was a part of her that would always see a part of Rin that was not simply Rin, but the queen.

A queen that had changed her life and probed the boundaries of what Haku might be capable of, made her aware of a horrible side of herself she wished she could go on without knowing about.

"Aww, fine. I'll go get something ready for breakfast then, I'm getting peckish." Rin smiled and flounced merrily into the kitchen. Haku relaxed a little, allowing Neru to shift behind her and brush out her shimmery white tresses.

"It's so soft and pretty, wow..." Neru murmured similar such things as she went along. Haku felt the words resonate somewhere within her, the feeling of a troublesome memory trying to surface. Why was she feeling this way? Insecurities began to once more rear their ugly head, insecurities that she hadn't had to face, that she was sure she had buried, along with...

...along with-

"So...about last night." There was a moment of sheepish trepidation in her voice that told all. Haku nodded slowly, half-listening.

"I won't tell Rin."

Neru hugged her so tightly and suddenly around her waist that she was jarred from her mess of worrisome thoughts, briefly losing her breath.

"...Thanks."

Somehow Haku found the strength to muster a smile, and it was that smile she tried to carry with her through the next few weeks. She tried to cover what she'd lost with what she gained, but the loose ends inside of her yearned for resolution, for a deeper connection to someone.

The past hurt. Far too much to try thinking about. Once as she visited town on one of the many trips she took to sell fruit, upon finishing her business, she found herself staring at the bar. It had been a very, very long time since she'd drank. She hadn't had a sip of alcohol since a little before beginning to live in the chapel.

Haku felt weak, the thoughts of her nights alone with the bottles in the cellar, the taste burning her throat and putting her to sleep, eyes red and puffy, like a baby. Cold comfort.

She had the oddest sensation she was being stared at. It was her own fault, standing around in a daze. Haku turned to look behind herself, eyes widening with shock as they met those of another very familiar woman.

"M-Meiko...?" She could hardly get her name out as her old friend drew her into a tight embrace.

"Haku! Oh good god, wow!" Meiko squeezed her harder. "It's been too long! How have you been, uh, jeez-" She grasped her shoulders and laughed increduously. "I can't believe this." She glanced in the direction of the bar. "Hey, drinks on me? We seriously need to catch up, it'll be just like old times."

"O-Oh, I-" Meiko was smiling at her expectantly, but Haku hesitated: she didn't want to keep Neru and Rin waiting. But at the same time, it had been a very long time since she'd seen her friend. Indeed, the last time they'd been able to speak was way back when she had worked alongside her as a maid, back when she'd first moved to the city.

She swallowed, sudden thoughts of another former companion filling her with heartache.

"Y-Yes, please." She blurted out, "I'd like that very much."

...

"I see. So you're living back there again? Isn't..." Meiko hesitated, and Haku dreaded what was coming, "...isn't it hard? Some of the memories, I mean."

"It's...because of them. She deserves to be remembered." Haku felt guilty, fibbing to her companion in such a way, but she wanted to protect her friends. She never wanted to think about what would happen if anyone else found out that the queen was alive, and what could happen to Neru and Rin. Meiko sighed and sipped her drink.

"Haku, you've always been brave."

"Wh-What?"

"Really." Meiko stared thoughtfully into her glass before shrugging and taking another swig. "She was a good person. I know how much she meant to you. But she wouldn't have wanted you to grieve forever. You deserve a better life than that." Haku's resolve was slipping; she downed her previously-untouched shot that she'd been hesitating over for the past few minutes in one go. It'd been _so long_. The alcohol burned her throat and she felt her eyes watering as it had the opposite effect she'd intended.

Everything was coming back so vividly. Meiko's comforting voice felt so far away.

"It feels like once again, Kaito's at the center of everyone's crisis." She huffed bitterly. Haku saw an opportunity to try changing the subject.

"How are things?" Lucky for her, Meiko was too eager to bite.

"Different than they were in the revolution, that's for damn sure." She whipped her head around towards the end of the bar. "Hey! Lily! Three more for me and my friend here please." She gave Haku a wry grin. "It's a long story." The blonde woman made her way down the bar and smiled at them.

"Well, if it isn't Meiko and Haku! When's the last time I've seen you two together in my bar?"

"Too long ago."

"You got that right. Coming right up." Haku glanced around the bar as Lily prepared their drinks. Was it just dark inside the bar, or was it because it was getting dark outside, too? The low lighting was making her eyes weary, but the whiff of alcohol in their glasses again made her feel somewhat more awake.

She had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

...

"So...so even, even though I'm second in goddamn command, regarding infantry and protection of the county-" Meiko knocked back another shot, "-I 'unno I just-just feel like he doesn't tell me anything anymore." Despite being heavily inebriated by this point, there were unmistakable tones of sadness lacing her angry words.

Blue, with red.

"It...it must be difficult, after being so close during the revolution."

"Close...close." Meiko clicked her tongue. "That's what I thought. You think you know someone and then they stab you in the back." Haku cringed inwardly at the metaphor, her worst memories resurfacing once more, tension bubbling hot against her frayed nerves-

Her hand shook as she brought another glass to her lips and forced it down, everything deflating and going just a little fuzzier. She was trying to drink only when she absolutely had to. Meiko was staring into her drink again, bitter disappointment etched into her face.

"I really thought we'd...connected." She laughed dryly. "We were quite a team. Funny, how simple war is. All too easy to band together and believe in something, but once it comes time to pick up the pieces it goes to hell." Meiko shook her head disdainfully. "You wanna judge someone? I'll tell you what you do. You wait until _after_ a war. That's what you do. You see what they're like once they've lost everything. You watch them mourn their loved ones, unable to tell which way is right-side-up anymore. You watch every comfort or truth they thought about the world and themselves be stripped away in one go and see what's left. You see them completely unsheltered from goddamn_ life_, and then-and only then-can you judge them."

Haku feels her heart simply twist, and she's thinking of the night she spent by Neru's side as she recounted her ordeal to her, of loss and horror. She can see so vividly the oft-proud gold eyes, dull with vulnerability, laden with heavy tears welling forth so honestly, so broken-hearted. The images of Neru's pain, the feelings she could relate to all too well were cleaved deep into her heart.

It hurts so badly to think of her in such a state that she's begun gulping down shot after shot reactively, to no avail. Part of her is running away, like always, but the magnitude of what Neru has endured has ignited something deep within that is fighting to hold on to her story, to the courage she harbors. Neru's pain is something that is too real to simply spirit away, and she knows she doesn't want to.

What she wants is more. To be exposed to feelings that are honest, golden, real.

She's shivering in a disoriented haze until Meiko's voice helps bring her down to earth.

"I know I'm preaching to the choir though. You're probably the least judgemental person I've met." She paused. "Quiet, too. Maybe that's got something to do with it. Oh, Haku..." Her eyes are filled with remorse, "I'm such a fool. Love can't grow during a war. Nothing can, least of all a feeling that's supposedly the culmination of the good in people's hearts...oh lord." She scoffed bitterly. "I'm getting lucid again, listen to me..."

She helped herself to another very long drink, squeezing her eyes shut as she forced it down. Haku knew she was brushing against her limit.

"I...I stood by him. Always. He's nothing-nothing like he was before. But still..._still_." She gave the counter a slam with her fist, clenching her teeth. She opened her hand and stared into it for a long moment. "I can't...can't bring myself to leave his side. It's really, really..._dumb_."

Meiko's words were bleeding together. Purple, now. Haku couldn't tell if that made them more or less understandable.

"That's love." Meiko smiled sadly, as if it were a joke and the joke was on her. "When you'll risk it all to stay by the person who needs you most. When you know enough to respect who has been with you thick and thin instead of abandoning them for the first fresh face."

All over again, Haku is lost in the past, in the fleeting history she'd spent alongside her one and only friend. There had been absolutely nothing before her, but far less after. She took another shaky gulp from her glass, tried to force down her selfish thoughts. Nothing in her life had indicated she deserved such a friend, let alone her constant attention. But it hurt too much to be separated from her. Their friendship had turned Haku's want into a need, a need that went unfilled from that fateful day onward.

"I can't hate your friend for falling for him. But god, do I want to." Meiko drank deeply once more. "'Cause I can't hate him. Or me. A soldier who hates themself's a suicide on legs." She slouched in her seat a little, leaning on the bar. "Love can give you anything, but also take it away. It can bring out the best or the worst in people. Fickle sonuva-" Meiko interrupted herself with a light belch.

"From the way you talk..." Haku murmured thoughtfully, "...it sounds like love and war go hand in hand." Meiko snorted.

"You could say that. Love and war, they're-they're like-" She waved her glass back and forth as she searched for the words, "-they're like two sides of the same two-headed coin or whatever the hell." She drained the last meager remnants of her glass before setting it down and slumped onto her forearms. "Yeah..." She trailed off dreamily and promptly went out cold on the counter. Haku gently shook her, worriedly whispering her name.

"Aww not again, Meiko." Haku jumped, not having noticed Lily walk towards them. She sighed, polishing a glass in her hands as she tossed her head, shaking the long blonde hair out of her face. "I'll keep an eye on her Haku." Lily's mouth twisted into a wry smile, and Haku got the impression that this was not an uncommon occurrence. "Damn, it's getting late..."

The offhand remark pierced Haku with a sudden deep fright. Neru. Rin. How long had she kept them waiting? The idea of Neru looking so afraid again, having no idea what had happened, what to do-

Neru was the one relying on her right now.

She hastily stumbled out of her seat, thanking Lily and tearing out the door.

...

The forest is extremely difficult to navigate in her condition. Haku's own thoughts were as effective as the twisting roots and brambles at impeding her progress.

Worst of all was the guilt. The horrible images her mind conjured of Neru waiting fretfully for her, with no way of knowing why she was taking so long were the only thing that brought barely enough sensation to her legs to run with a precarious gait. The alcohol certainly hadn't made her any more graceful.

As she finally reached the dark little cottage and fumbled with the door, she heard sudden movement on the other side. It was opened a crack, and then all the way, and she was grabbed by the collar of her dress and yanked indoors.

"What the hell happened to you Haku?" Neru whispered, trying to sound angry. Haku's eyes weren't very well-adjusted to the dark, but despite not being able to see Neru, she could tell she was holding back tears. She squeaked in surprise as she felt her arms closing tight around her waist, hugging her tightly, afraid.

"N-Neru...I-I'm so sorry..." She slurred. Haku had never meant it more in her life. She was breathing heavily from running through the forest, and she must have been quite a sight: only then did she notice that her clothes had been snagged and loosened in places, her hair slipping loosely from her ribbon. Neru's heartbeat was hammering hard against her own as she returned the embrace, clutching her as close as she could. Neru's head tilted up, and the affectionate gesture was broken as she took a hasty step back.

"Your...your _breath_..." She sounded incredulous, appalled as Haku's legs faltered, struggling to keep her balance. "I can't believe it," Some of the familiar abrasiveness edged its way back into her voice again, "you...you're drunk!"

"I-I didn't mean to worry you-"

"I was worried something terrible had happened!" Neru whispered furiously, helping Haku take a seat on the bed before bustling around in the dark. "I..." She sniffled in spite of her angry facade, "...I couldn't sleep, I didn't know what to do." She paused, shuddering. "You have no idea what I've been through!"

It was very strange. Haku felt somehow relieved that Neru was scolding her so much.

"Neru..." Haku ventured warily. The younger woman sighed, once again pawing around in the dark for something.

"Just..." Neru's voice went softer, tender. "...don't leave me like that again." She inhaled sharply, clearly hesitant to say what she was about to say. "I don't wanna lose you."

Haku didn't know what to say. The feeling Neru's words instilled in her was so new to her that she had no idea how to react. Her face went florid as she tried to process the remark. Neru shuffled anxiously in the silence.

"J-Just promise." Her voice cracked and betrayed what was probably a blush, otherwise invisible in the dark. Haku smiled, and for the first time that day, she felt happy.

"I promise."

"Good, then..." Neru lit a candle, picking up a cup from beside it on the bedside table and handing it to Haku. "I made this for myself earlier but you should probably get something warm in you-"

But as her eyes adjusted in the light, the rest of her ramblings went in one ear and out the other. She was completely absorbed in what Neru was wearing.

_"Don't cry Haku...they're just jealous."_

The cup slipped out of her fingers in shock, clattering to the floor. There was no way she was really seeing this, she'd had too much to drink-

"Hey, watch it!" Neru admonished her hoarsely, narrowly dodging the hot contents as they splashed out all over the floor. She lifted the hem of her skirt to avoid sullying it-

_"I can't stay with you all the time...so you can have this!"_

"Neru..." Haku stared at her, lips parting in disbelief before she found the strength to continue, "...what...are you wearing?"

_"This dress is one of my favorites. So even when you're alone, it'll be kinda like I'm always here!"_

Neru blinked before looking down. "Oh, this? It's kind of a funny story, Rin and I were making dinner and...I might've tried to help too much, and it kinda ended up all over me. I had to change into something and this was the only thing around I could find that was my size." She laughed sheepishly, stopping short when she noticed Haku's grave expression. "Haku, hey..." Her eyes softened with concern and she drew her head against her body in a careful embrace, the scent of the dress faint and poignant to her senses.

_"This way you can get a hug from me whenever you want."_

"You look like you've seen a ghost..."

_"You are the most amazing person here."_

**A/N: **Another chapter finished~! I'm truly pleased to have this one done, and since I haven't mentioned it yet, I suppose now is a great time~. The entire inspiration for this fic was off a picture made by one Dj-Mewmew on deviantart, where she interpreted lots of Vocaloids into the Evil series style. 8D It's pretty rad. Then I went and re-interpreted them into this story, ahaha~. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the update, I would so love if you felt like leaving me a review!


	6. Dissonance

**Dissonance**

Everything felt warm. The reassuring, strong gold of the sun trickled through the patchy canopy of the myrtle-green tree tops.

The grass was soft beneath Haku's body, and slightly damp with the faint shimmer of dewdrops. She opened her eyes, took a breath. Sunlight filled her lungs, and a rare feeling of content flooded her being. The unfamiliarity initially made her nervous, but soon enough she eased into it and allowed herself some peace.

There wasn't really much to it, but it was more than enough for Haku. It made her feel safe, enveloped her gently.

Her eyes flew open suddenly. Something was coming. She couldn't hear it or see it so much as feel it. Frightened, she closed her eyes again. She wanted to stay as she was now, secure beneath the sun. A tremor worked its way up her spine as she lay still, playing dead, willing whatever it was away. Even with her eyes closed, she could tell it was close, and the shadow was yawning over her face and obscuring the sunshine-

A hand touched her shoulder. It felt like she should know whose it was, but at once, she didn't want to remember.

"Haku, look at me."

The voice was so familiar, but she didn't want to open her eyes.

"It's okay. You have so much reason to be afraid." There was a rustling of fabric as the familiar girl crawled over Haku's supine form, another hand joining the first and running up over her arms, cradling her face, and finally threading themselves into her hair. A feeling of disgust grew more pronounced as the girl's hands lingered on her. Haku didn't know what was worse at this point: the feeling of being in her clutches or whatever would happen once she let go.

She could only wish for things to stay the same. Even the unbearable sense of fear, the only thread she was clinging to now, to affirm that she was alive, could feel.

"Look at me, Haku." It was supposed to sound gentle, but there was an unmistakably dangerous edge. She was afraid of doing what she was told, not doing what she was told. She trembled indecisively. The fingers clenched suddenly in her hair, and terror, from head to toe. A whimper escaped from her pale lips before she bit down, keeping her mouth shut without daring to breathe.

"You're not going to ignore me. Not after all I've done for you. You had nothing. You were nothing." The fingers were pulling her hair harder and harder still, making tears form beneath her lashes. It hurt, everything hurt. "You are nothing."

Haku's body felt desperately cold; she opened her eyes in a vain attempt to find the sun, but everything was completely fogged over. Warily, she sat up and looked around, wringing her hands over her heart, wanting some form of warmth, anything. The grass was frosting over before her eyes, tears freezing on her cheeks. It was so, so cold, she had to get up, get away. She tried wobbling to her feet, but soon sank to her knees with the grace of a newborn fawn. Maybe just one more try, and she could do it-

Bony hands clutched at her skirt and pulled, taking her down once more. Out of the thick fog she saw her friend, features wasting away to reveal a brittle skeleton.

"How can you leave me to die?" She shrieked, clawing at her dress, "It should've been you!"

Haku tried to scream, but the thin bone of her fingers clamped tight around her throat and squeezed. The pressure was absolutely relentless: she couldn't make a single sound. Silently she was driven into the grass, pinned completely, hands only tightening around her frail neck even more. She can't move her arms; she is heavy all over, mouth partway open, vision darkening with the faint throbbing of her weakening heartbeat. She needs air but there's nothing she can do. Tiny blooms of color are playing out within the insides of her eyelids as her body continues struggling, lungs empty. Everything is fading so quickly, and she can't keep her eyes open.

She knows she's going to die.

...

Haku gasped sharply, fearful eyes shooting wide open and darting about anxiously, bringing a knuckle towards her mouth and choking over her sobs. Her face was covered in all manner of fluids: she just couldn't stop crying. There's nothing she can do to forget such a horrific, vivid dream; it feels like a hand is on her shoulder again and she nearly screams when she realizes there really is one, but the feeling is different.

"Haku..." Neru whispered urgently, "...are you awake now?" Still trembling, unable to fully look over her shoulder, Haku whimpered in affirmation, nodding slightly, hands clasped tightly over her heart. She couldn't do this, she didn't want to worry Neru more than she had already. Her mind raced, revisiting the awful fright she never wanted to see on her face again. She suddenly wondered whether or not she'd have to explain any of this to Neru, and it sparked a chain reaction of linked thoughts serving no other purpose than to stress and befuddle her, and in spite of herself, the tears continued. Neru's hand moved up and down her back, stroking her down to calmer breaths. Steady fingers undid her hair ribbon, and everything felt a little looser, more comfortable as Neru pressed close against her back, an arm draped over Haku's shoulder, holding her hand and giving it a faint squeeze.

"Whatever it is," Neru's breath was soft and warm on her neck, "later is okay." Haku clutched her hand, her warmth, a scant few stray tears rolling over the bridge of her nose as Neru interlaced their fingers, reassuring. Her steady heartbeat lulled Haku's into a state of comfort and security long enough for her to finally fall back asleep.

...

The very first thing Haku worked on upon waking the following morning was cleaning Neru's dress. If it was clean, she could wear it again, and she'd be more comfortable.

So would Haku.

The shallow sleep had Haku out of bed at a very early hour of morning. Neru's dress had been thoroughly cleaned and was hanging out to dry, Haku all but counting the seconds as she waited for it to be finished. She heard the wood-on-wood groaning of the door and bolted out of her slouch, turning and seeing Neru coming to join her at her seat on the broad log.

"Haku, it's so early..." Neru yawned, stepping carefully around the various foliage and things that were that much easier to trip on when disoriented, "...why're you up already?"

"O-Oh, I wanted to have your dress cleaned by the time you got up." Haku smiled sheepishly as Neru sat next to her. "I wasn't expecting you up this early either-" Her face pinkened as Neru slid her arms around her waist and hugged tightly, rubbing her cheek against her back.

"I'm not a heavy sleeper like Rin..." Neru mused, and from her tone Haku could tell she was close to nodding off right there. "...she sleeps like a rock, but if I get cold or something I get restless." Her chin jutted over Haku's shoulder as she pouted. "I was so warm and comfy and then you got up."

"Aww, I'm so sorry." Haku smiled as Neru sighed and nuzzled her, getting warm again. It felt so nice to be needed by someone. "At least your dress is almost done though, and you can be back in your own clothes again."

"Yeah, it wouldn't feel as weird. Rin said I looked cute in the other one though."

"You're so pretty though, you could probably make anything look nice." Haku felt her face darkening quite a bit; she rarely said things quite that forward. Neru sounded flustered too.

"A-Are you just saying that?"

"Oh n-no, I really think so."

Neru laughed sheepishly into her shoulder after a brief moment of surprise. "Oh but you know," her voice adopted a more serious tone, "speaking of, you should really be more careful." Haku was puzzled until she realized with a start that Neru was talking about the previous night, and she felt a little guilty again. "What if some troublemakers had found you after you'd been drinking? The city is full of scummy and sleazy people sometimes, and you're so beautiful-I mean, you know." As Haku wondered if her own face could get any redder, Neru squeezed her harder around the waist, worrying the fabric of her dress in her fingers. "Just be careful and don't do it again."

"O-Oh, okay." Haku was caught off-guard at the compliment, simply not being used to them in the least. Neru settling against her shoulder again reminded her that she had not brought up what else had happened the previous night. A tiny smile found its way onto Haku's face. "Thank you, Neru." Somehow, she knew the details were going to stay just between them.

Neru sighed a weary "mmhm" as she wilted sleepily against her. Haku whispered her name and got an even softer "hm" out of her, and it was clear that she was on the cusp of falling asleep. With some effort, Haku managed to get one arm under her legs and the other around her shoulders, lifting her light form and moving to carry her back inside. She also noticed that Neru had borrowed one of her nightgowns; she really could make anything look good.

"Haku..." Neru groaned as she was placed on the bed beside the still-sleeping Rin. Haku looked back over her shoulder to see her arms outstretched invitingly, and if she hadn't felt sleepy before, she definitely did now. "...c'mon..."

Unable to resist, she eased into bed beside her, letting Neru settle in close and tuck her head beneath her chin.

...

A light, airy giggle roused Haku from her slumber. She opened her eyes and saw Rin looming over her and Neru, biting her lower lip to keep from squealing too loudly. The sight initially startled Haku, but Neru was so still that she didn't dare make a move, lest she wake her.

"Look at her!" Rin whispered excitedly, "So sleepy and clingy!" She hushed her tone a bit and re-directed her attention to Haku. "I'm glad to see you got home alright last night, we were worried. Especially Neru. Maybe you should stay home today and get some rest?"

"A-Ah, perhaps...are you sure?"

"I'd feel so much better if you took a break every now and then. You do so much as it is." Without warning, she pressed a light kiss to Haku's, then Neru's forehead. "Both of you are just angels." Her smile was positively glowing. "I'm going to go put something together for us to eat. Let me know if Neru gets up."

As Rin scurried into the kitchen, Neru smirked, eyes still closed. Haku noticed.

"Neru?" Haku whispered, "You're...?" Neru shook her head with a tiny movement and put a finger to her own lips before snuggling closer with a dreamy sigh. She was so warm, and Haku would've been content to lie there the entire day, had Rin not eventually caught on to her ruse. Neru reluctantly rolled out of bed at Rin's urging, but as Haku made to follow a throbbing pain ached swiftly throughout her head and she groaned weakly, head hitting the pillow. The hangover. With it came the thoughts that had triggered her binge, her nightmare. But most of all, the sight of Neru in that dress, haunting her with renewed vigor.

"Goodness, Haku, look at your face!" Rin put a palm to her forehead and then her cheeks. Haku flinched instinctively. "You're so red, and you're burning up all of a sudden. You simply must get some rest today." Rin disappeared behind the partition between kitchen and bedside before reappearing with tea and breakfast. "I'll leave these here in case you feel hungry, you should save your strength." She set them on the bedside table. "Don't strain yourself today."

Haku nodded at Rin, before subtley shifting her gaze to Neru. "I'm sorry..." Neru opened her mouth quickly, but glanced in Rin's direction and closed it with a nod, keeping her eyes fixed on Haku.

"Don't be." Rin smiled understandingly and hugged her around the shoulders. "Neru and I found blackberries yesterday, so we're going to go out and bring some back. Just try to get as much rest as you can." Haku shuddered inwardly, going completely stiff in her arms, but a thought occurred to her that served as a lucrative distraction.

If she was alone, it would be the perfect opportunity to make sure some secrets of hers stayed buried.

"Maybe..." Neru piped up suddenly, "...maybe I should stay. And keep an eye on her."

"N-No, please-" Haku shook her head, "I-I think I just need some time alone to rest. I'll be okay."

"I don't know-" Neru began to protest, but Rin put a hand on her shoulder.

"I think she knows what she needs." She smiled. "We'll be a better help just letting her recover. Take care, Haku. Try not to get out of bed too much if you can help it." As Rin stepped out of the embrace and began walking towards the door, Neru stepped forward, mimicking the gesture. Her mouth hovered very close to Haku's ear as she hugged her, lips moving in a whisper.

"Yeah. Stay put."

There was a protective, firm edge to her voice that surprised Haku. It felt nice that Neru cared so much, but at the same time, she was disappointed in herself for cracking under the pressure, letting it show. Making Neru worry.

She could only nod, laying down and feigning sleep, until the two of them left and shut the door behind them. After waiting a few minutes to make sure they didn't double back for something they may have forgotten, Haku hesitantly sat up and gave her situation some thought. She remembered going blackberry picking many times in the past, and the only bush she could think of that was close enough to them to have not been burned seemed far away enough for her to have time to do what she needed.

Getting out of bed quickly, she poked around in the corner of the room until she found the trapdoor under the floor rug where the cellar was. She'd have to be quick about it. There was no guaranteeing how many blackberries there were or even if they'd stay to pick them all. She carefully went down inside and made her way to the far wall where the tools were lined up, pulling the shovel from amongst them and turning to leave the way she came. As she did so, she noticed something she'd forgotten up until then: the long row of shelves, stacked with her old collection of spirits, some full, some empty, some in-between.

The sight gave her pause. She was sorely tempted to just stop everything and have a drink, or maybe just take a little break-

She remembered her nightmare, that dress, and quickly snapped out of her daze, leaving the cellar with shovel in hand and making her way into the garden. It is only when she has plucked the dress off the laundry line and is staring at an unbroken patch of ground that she realizes the gravity of what she's about to do. Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she cleaves into the soil, trying to be quick about it, trying to be careful. Shaking, she threw the dress down and began covering it up. She grew anxious that she wasn't moving fast enough and knelt, dropping the shovel and using her hands to pat the dirt back into place, covering the dress as quickly as possible. It feels like it's taking forever, and a feeling of nausea almost overwhelms her, the feeling of bile burning up her throat as she struggles to keep it down. Haku knew she didn't have much time; she grabbed the shovel and went back inside, opening the cellar door and simply throwing it down before hastily replacing the floor rug over it.

Before getting back into bed, she decided to look out back one more time to see if the hiding spot was obvious. Opening the door and looking around, she was satisfied that only someone who'd done the deed would notice it.

Haku stops. Thinks.

She has just buried the last thing she could remember her friend by in a hastily scratched-out hole in the ground.

Before she can dwell further on these thoughts, she can hear the front door opening. She turned to get back inside, but she's already too late, they're there and they see her and her guilty eyes. Neru is the first one to open her mouth.

"Why are you up?"

"I-" Neru's eyes are hot steel. "I was...getting some air-" As she pats her skirt nervously, Neru's gaze instantly flits down to her hand. Haku can see her teeth now, and it worries her.

"Don't lie to me." Neru shoves her basket of blackberries into a startled Rin's arms, closing the distance between herself and Haku quickly, ensnaring her wrist in her fingers and pulling her palm into view, waving it. "Just look at yourself. There's dirt all over you!" Her fingers are getting tighter, Haku's pulse quickens. "I'm not stupid!"

"N-Neru, you don't have to yell at her!" Even Rin was surprised by the emotional outburst, her knuckles whitening in fear on the handles of the baskets. Neru releases Haku's wrist with a rough, throwing motion, frustration evident in every bit of her being. Rin seemed to sense the high tensions and slipped discreetly into the kitchen, putting away the fruit.

"Get in bed. I am doing all the yard work this week, end of story. You're not going to work yourself to death if I can help it." She sighed, defeated, eye contact finally faltering. "Haku, I...I just-" She looked up at her with an expression that broke her heart. "-I just don't understand."

Haku wished it was morning again, when Neru had spoken with such confidence and self-assuredness. When they had idled away the better part of the morning warming each other in a carefree embrace, that had served as a safe haven, however temporary, from the weight of the world.

Neru's figure blurs dangerously before her and sure enough, the tears have returned. She is determined to keep them to herself, but she knows that she can see, see one more thing she doesn't understand.

"It...It's getting late." Neru offers quietly. "Let's just...get some rest."

An attempt to set things back to normal. What can Haku do but agree?

They get as close to comfortable as they can in the bed, Haku, on her side and biting her finger to stem the tears. Neru's arms find their way around her waist, her legs forming an awkward tangle with Haku's, burying her face between her shoulders, shaking. Haku can tell she is crying, too.

**A/N: **Sorry this one took so long! The reason was because this and the following chapter were actually being written together and I needed to seperate them, so the good news is the next chapter should come very soon, since it's already partway done! I hope you're enjoying the story so far, and thanks to those of you that took the time to write me a review! I really appreciate them and would be so happy to read more! Thanks for reading!


	7. Consonance

**Consonance**

There is a dense, chilly mist. Haku is digging, tearing into the damp ground beneath her with increasing panic and throwing it to the side as quickly as her strength would allow.

The shovel gets stuck; with an exhausted rasp she pulls, and wouldn't be surprised if she'd torn her shoulder out of place. Her saliva feels thin in her mouth, and breath isn't coming easily. She gives the shovel a decisive yank, and promptly, a ghastly wail rings out into the still forest air.

"You've killed me!" An all-too-familiar voice cries, "You threw me here to die! After all I did for you, you won't even acknowledge my memory!"

Haku wants to cry out in response that it wasn't like that, really, but her heart is pumping terror throughout her entire body much too quickly for her to form the words.

"You had a perfect chance to avenge me, to kill that conniving, spoiled queen, and but you squandered it! And for what?" The voice taunted, "A misplaced sense of pity and compassion for someone who, just like you, was guilty of wanting someone all to themselves!" A mottled, fleshy hand sprouts from the dirt and grasps the shovel, pulling it between the two of them.

"N-No, please, please understand!" Haku cried desperately, her voice bubbling forth from deep inside, "I simply wanted it to have ended without anymore sins upon anyone else-!" She is interrupted by shrill, cruel laughter.

"Who are you kidding? You'd want to believe you're a woman with integrity, but what sign of any strength have you ever shown? I died in your place, when there's not enough of anything in you to ever amount to what I had been. You would do anything to avoid being alone again, wouldn't you? What a selfish woman! Taking whatever cold comfort you can get without regard for your one true friend's slaughter! Such a dirty, filthy harlot!"

The bottom of the grave breaks open and she is there, an entity of rotting flesh and yellowed skeleton, the shovel's blade lodged deep into her stomach, stuck on her ribcage. Haku is too shocked by the sight that she doesn't let go of the handle soon enough, and she's yanked into the bottom of the grave. The stench of moldy limbs and death tangle around her body unremittingly, dragging her further and further into the darkness.

"If I had to die, you should too!" The mocking, sing-song voice continues laughing as Haku yelps and tries to break free. After being jerked around and forced to face her assailant again, letting out a horrified scream is all she has time to do before the gaping mouth of the rotting young woman yawns wide before her, a swarm of ink-black lilies pouring from her throat with an awful retching noise. The scent of flowers is cloying and overwhelming, and they continue pouring from the girl's body, her flesh falling away as if it were coming unsewn, more lilies piling higher and higher above. Haku chokes and claws for the disappearing air above her, a film of fuzzy pollen coating the inside of her mouth and silencing her cries for help. No matter how hard she tried, the encroaching suffocation could not be halted.

...

Haku woke in a cold sweat, reaching instinctively for Neru's warmth, only to find the bed empty. Heart racing, she realized it was well into the morning, and that she was probably outside tending the garden, as promised. She could hear Rin humming to herself in the kitchen, and the pitter-patter of raindrops on the windows.

The following days passed with little incident, and it was precisely that that worried Haku. The intensity of the rain increased, and she began to worry when the leftover tensions stilted usual conversation. She could sense the undercurrent of Neru's frustrations, and Haku couldn't help but feel guilty. As Haku remained bedridden for recovery at the other girls' insistence, she worried about the possible discovery of the dress with the heavy rain, and the issue continued haunting her dreams night after night. As the nightmares refused to fade, so to did a persistent thought on Haku's mind reminding her of the old magic in the cellar, magic that might help her forget.

One night, unable to bear it any further, she slipped out of bed, glancing at Neru's sleeping form apologetically before descending quickly into the cellar, fumbling about in the dark.

The shovel.

She'd forgotten it was there; one wrong step and she's falling, reaching for whatever she can, and she crashes right into a shelf, sending a bottle down with her where it shatters noisily on the stone floor. Shocked, she felt around; the contents had formed a burgundy puddle beneath her, soaking her dress, her face, her hair. Before she can lament on her situation, she hears the shuffling of tired footsteps drawing near from above, and notices that she'd left the trapdoor slightly ajar in her haste. She's caught, for sure-

Haku froze as Neru made her way down, shielding the fragile glow of the candle she was carrying. An acute sense of embarrassment for her position washed over her: she half-wishes she could fade into the shadows, out of sight, but part of her wants Neru to find her.

"Haku-" Neru starts, familiar frustration in her voice, but she stops short, seeing Haku, eyes glancing towards the shovel, back to Haku again and the red stains all over her dress, her face. She looks as though she is assembling puzzle pieces in her head, and she speaks again, more gently, "-what happened here?" Before Haku can respond, she is pulling her to her feet. "Let's get you cleaned up."

They made their way to a corner of the cellar where there was a pile of unused bedding and sheets, beside a haphazard pile of tattered old books. Neru plucked a cloth from the pile and carefully dabbed at Haku's cheeks. Having her hands on and near her face felt nice. There was just something natural about her touch. She knows, though, that Neru will have questions, and that she deserves answers. Neru was trying so hard to trust her, she could tell, even though she'd given her little reason to so far. Tears form, prickling from the corners of her eyes in, and she wants and doesn't want Neru to see. The full moon is shining too brilliantly from the cellar window for her not to though. They all but shimmer as one after another pours down her cheeks.

"Could you..." Neru swallowed, setting the cloth aside and then firmly, without any hesitation at all, cupped Haku's cheek, "...talk to me?"

"I-I...it's...complicated." An awkward silence fell between them as Haku tried to think of what to say next, how to say it. She wants to talk, but she's scared.

"I don't care." Haku's eyes widened and she lifted them to meet Neru's. There was a look on her face she didn't know how to describe. Before she could attempt to define it to herself, Neru's face turned to the side, towards the window. "Look." Haku followed her gaze, squinting in the bright, milky moonlight. "From what I can see, the moon has always been beautiful. I don't know why it always hides its other side, but I'm sure whatever's there won't make it any less wonderful." She looked back to Haku, thumbing away yet another stray tear with a patient look in her eyes. "Show me the other side, Haku. I want to know..." Her fingers tucked a strand of silvery white hair out of her face, behind an ear, "...who you are."

"B-But what-" Haku swallowed, trembling as she tried to meet her gaze, "-what if the other side isn't anything worth knowing? What if..." Her shoulders shook as a hiccup escaped, "...what if who I am is...someone you don't like?" Neru joined her atop the pile of bedding, kneeling to face her and taking both of her hands in her own. They were warm and strong, giving her courage. "I want-" She shivered nervously, staring at Neru's hands, the way they were so carefully holding hers, "-I just want you to like me." A sob stuck in her throat and she bowed her head to hide the hot rush of fresh tears brimming forth. "I'm...scared."

Neru gave her hands a firm squeeze as Haku began to cry again. "Hey. Look at me." She obeyed. "It's alright to talk about it. I...understand."

Haku remembered how Neru had shared her sad tale with her many nights ago. It must have taken a lot, and she wanted to do the same.

But what if she weren't as strong as Neru? What if she collapsed under the weight of the words she'd sealed away so long ago? What did she want more? To stay in relative safety, or to know that she could trust someone to care for her as she was again?

"I...didn't always live in the town."

What was she doing? Could she really risk Neru's companionship? She wanted to be _safe_-

"Before living there...I lived...here."

-but she _needed_ Neru.

Neru stared at her with shocked eyes. "...Here?" She breathed, "This...this village?" Her lips parted, eyes filling with utter horror.

"...This house."

Horror gave way to shock, confusion. "This-we've been...all along?"

Haku nodded slowly.

"But...but I don't understand..." Neru murmured, completely dumbstruck, casting about for the right words, "I heard that...only people with green hair lived here."

Haku smiled sadly. "But...you've also heard about..." Tears, again, welling up fresh, "...the freak."

She whimpered and bowed her head, hands heavy in Neru's. She felt her fingers tightening around hers.

"I...was hurt sometimes." She slouched forward, allowing her silvery white hair to tumble over a shoulder. "All because of...this. One day-" Haku's entire body began to shiver uncontrollably, "-something terrible happened. So I ran away from the village." She fell silent. Perhaps that was all of her past she'd need to share.

"Tell me the rest."

Haku's eyes widened in surprise, her hesitant look betraying all. Neru's expression was firm, but careful.

"There's more to it...isn't there."

It wasn't a question. Haku sighed with resignation.

"If...if it's you that asks..." She swallowed with a shaky nod, readying herself, "...then I will answer."

No amount of preparation could have braced her for what was to come.

"Who is Miku?"

Haku felt her heart plummet to the bottom of her stomach, and for a moment she thought she was going to be sick, bringing a trembling hand to her mouth, the other going limp in Neru's grasp.

Had she heard her correctly? Her insides were churning with sudden nausea as she tried to make her breathing even once more.

"H-How-" Haku rasped, not tearing her eyes from the hand clasped in Neru's, "-how is it you know that name?" When she didn't answer, Haku looked up to see that she wore a careful, almost guilty expression. "P-Please." She hadn't meant to sound so desperate, but she did.

"...You've...been calling that name in your sleep for weeks. I've always wondered, but..." Her face was unreadable, and Haku felt shame rise hotly in her own cheeks.

"She-she was the only friend I'd ever known. I wasn't good at making friends, so she would look out for me...but eventually we had to move away." Haku's voice was barely at a whisper. Neru gave her hand a tug, encouraging her to look her in the eyes. She felt herself melting under that liquid gold, knowing that Neru could tell it wasn't the full truth. She bit her bottom lip guiltily.

"You want to talk about it, don't you?" Haku nodded shakily. "Then you can tell me. I'll listen."

Haku knew she could trust Neru, but when she opened her mouth to speak, nothing came out, long-suppressed words crowding her throat and sticking futiley. She held her arms in an effort to comfort herself, worrying the fabric of her sleeves. Her nervous, flitting eyes settled on the old pile of books and she wordlessly shifted towards it, shoving the old tomes aside and unearthing an inkwell and a sheaf of paper.

"I...could write it...could I?" Haku manages to squeak, barely. Neru looks surprised for a moment, but nods quickly. Sitting across from her, head bowed, Haku begins. Her hand is unsteady as she dips the aged goose-feather quill into the inkwell, but Neru's presence reassures her.

...

_Before we left the village, life was very difficult. I was an outcast because of my hair, and the other girls would pull on it or call me a witch. I tried to stay away as best I could. I prayed to have a friend at the oldest tree in the forest every day, and finally, I met Miku. Even though she was the most wonderful and beloved girl in the village, and I was me, she spent as much time with me as she could spare. It was her that made living in the forest with those girls bearable._

...

"Then...what happened to make you leave?" Neru probed curiously, neck craned so she can see. Haku hesitated and dipped her quill into the ink again, poising it over the paper and writing in slow, careful strokes.

...

_I don't fully understand why it happened. But one night, I woke up and many girls from the village were there looking down over me. They dragged me outside by my hair_

...

Haku hesitated. Some tears fell onto the paper, mingling with the fresh ink and making it run. She sits up and covers her eyes with her hands, withdrawing into herself.

It's just too much.

She can't do any more, she thinks, until Neru's arms are around her and her face is nestled against her chest. Letting go of a gaspy shudder, Haku settles into the embrace.

It's the closest anyone's ever held her.

"They hurt you." Her voice was quiet, with an edge. Neru squeezed her tightly, one arm around her back, the other with her palm on the back of Haku's head, drawing her closer, deeper. Haku nodded weakly into her, barely able to breathe, but it feels good. "I know what you need to do. And you should do it."

Neru understood her, gave her permission to loosen her hold on herself. The dam broke, and she cried harder than she ever had in her life, the stored-up, collective agony of her existence exploding out of her, muted and muffled into Neru's everything.

And from it all, emerges, finally, her voice.

"M-Miku didn't have a ch-choice, and, and-" It felt like she was vomiting, and she'd been sick for a very long time, "-it's all my fault, I was so scared that if they did it again, I'd...I begged to leave, even though she was so beloved in the village and would leave it all behind just for...for..." Haku clutched Neru desperately as she was drawn closer once more, renewed sobs ebbing forth.

"...It was the very least she could do for you." Neru remarked bitterly. Haku paused in confusion, but no further clarification was offered. Instead, she felt Neru's palm cupping her face, forcing her gaze to meet hers. "And it's not your fault for wanting to live, god damn it."

Haku swallowed, lips parting in surprise. She again found it difficult to breathe, but not for any of the usual reasons. Her heartbeat felt hard and thick in her chest.

"I...I just-" Haku's voice broke, tears flowing steadily from her wide eyes. "-if we hadn't moved, she'd never have met Kaito, a-and they wouldn't have fallen in love..."

"K-Kaito?" Neru swallowed hard, eyes pleading for her to deny it.

"I-In the village, Miku lived so comfortably...but when she left with me..." Haku's shoulders shook with guilt, "...I-I took that all away from her, I...I know she didn't like working as a maid, I couldn't blame her for wanting to go with...with the love of her life and back to how things used to be for her. A-And worst of all-" She covered her eyes and heaved heavy sobs, "-s-some part of me wished that he wouldn't love her so much, so she'd never leave me, she was my only friend, I couldn't even, couldn't even be happy for her, because for the first time i-in my life, things were _okay_-"

"H-Haku-" Neru squeezed her shoulders tightly in her hands, but Haku couldn't stop.

"This was all m-my fault, it, it should've been me that died, she had so much life to enjoy, so many that loved her, and I-th-there was nothing for me, nobody that would miss me-"

"N-No! Stop, stop, stop-!" Neru shook her shoulders roughly until the shock stilled Haku's lips. Haku sat there frozen, trembling, staring as Neru grit her teeth, eyes brimming with moisture. "This isn't on you. _Nothing_ is." Her breath grew uneven and quick. "Blame me."

Haku blinked quickly several times, confused. "Wh-What-?"

"It's my fault you were left alone." Neru sniffed hard and only held Haku's shoulders tighter, tears rolling fast down her cheeks. "Rin didn't order the massacre because Kaito rejected her-" She wept bitterly, "-it was Len. He...he had eyes for that girl, Miku. He told me, trusted me. But...Rin and I shared everything, and I betrayed him to her." Neru bowed her head in shame. "It was never about Kaito. To Rin, it would've been a marriage of political convenience, nothing more. But...But Len. She loved him with everything she had. She couldn't bear it and sent him along to personally help destroy the village, that girl. She made him choose, knowing he would choose her. It was the only way she could dispel her fear. So it's my fault, Haku." Neru looked back up at her, eyes overflowing with desperate tears. "Blame me, because I should've known she'd do something unthinkable." Her expression was heartbreaking and hysterical, trembling from head to toe. "You-you can lay all of it on me, you at least deserve something, someone to hate for what you've been through-!"

"No!" Haku shook her head vigorously, clasping her hands over her mouth to stem the sobs wracking her body. "I...I won't..."

"There's nothing, _nothing_ wrong with it-"

"I-I don't want to h...hate you." Haku's voice was a hoarse, brittle whisper, "You're...the only one who understands-" Proving her point, Neru quickly sealed her arms around Haku, drawing her face back into her chest protectively as she began to weep harder with relief. Haku clung tightly around her back, whimpering into her wearily. "-I can't hate you." It is the most certain thing she has said tonight.

"I...I'm sorry. I just-" Neru shook her head and sniffled, holding her close, "-I just wanted you to have that choice."

Haku sat up straighter, her sobs subsiding some. "N-Neru..." They shared a deep embrace, bodies pressing hard together. A needling pain between them suddenly drove them apart. Neru massaged her chest, wincing.

"What is that?"

"I-I don't kn-" Haku reached into her breast pocket, freezing as she felt the contours of a small, but all-too-familiar object. She pulled it out, staring with disbelief.

"A ring?" Neru's eyes widened. "You're...not married, are you?"

A brilliant red warmth spread through Haku's face. "N-No! Of course not! It's...it was Miku's. I remember her showing me after Kaito gave it to her."

Neru's mouth formed a thin, tight line. "I...see."

"When...when the queen ordered the massacre, Miku was terrified for...for the other girls. She wanted to go back to warn them, and save as many as she could. And...she wanted me to help her."

Neru's expression darkened. "I hope you said no..." She sighed, "...but I can already tell you didn't."

"I didn't want to...to go back to that place." Haku sniffed delicately, rubbing her eyes. "But Miku said if I didn't help, then...they could die."

Neru clenched her fists in her lap. "She shouldn't have asked that of you, when she knew you wouldn't refuse."

"A-All I cared about was staying together." Haku whimpered. "The entire way, I begged her to reconsider, I was just so afraid to go back there...and when we were almost there, she got so...so angry." Haku stared at the ring forlornly, waiting for it to give her the strength to continue, but it never came. She lifted her gaze to Neru's.

"She-she told me that I didn't own her. And then..." Haku's eyes misted over heavily. "...she told me that I had to either help her, or go."

Neru clenched her skirt until her knuckles turned white, but she remained silent.

"When she met Kaito, we spent less time together, drifted apart, and...it hurt, but I could understand. We couldn't always be together, even back in the village, so she gave me her favorite dress to hold on to for when she couldn't be around me."

A look of frightened realization dawned on Neru's face, and from the way she glanced over at the muddy shovel, Haku knew she didn't need to explain further on that count.

"But...I didn't realize at the time that, those girls were still her friends. They'd always treated her well. And I..." Haku's lips trembled as she struggled to find the words, "...I was really only ever in the way. But I couldn't even see it. I was too afraid, too selfish, and-and when she said that...to me, I-I just ran. All the way to the largest tree. All I could think to do was pray. I locked myself in prayer and begged and begged for all the girls with good hearts to be spared. I don't know how much time passed, but then I smelled smoke, and the fire, the fire was everywhere and getting closer, so I ran all the way here." She closed her eyes, squeezing more moisture out from beneath her damp lashes. "I came down here and just...waited and lay down until I was too tired to keep my eyes open. When I woke up, I went out to the village and-and-"

Neru clasped her hands around Haku's free one as she took a breath.

"-I almost didn't realize. When I got there. That I got there. The smell...the smell..." She swallowed with some difficulty, forcing back the bile. "...no one survived, and...the bodies...I found Miku, last. She-she was so badly burned, beyond all recognition, g-god, it was-" Haku quickly brought the back of her hand to her mouth.

"How...did you know it was her?"

Haku opened her hand, holding the ring between quivering fingers. "To be honest...I'd forgotten I was still carrying it, until tonight..." She trailed off emptily, not resisting when Neru cautiously reached and took it in her delicate fingers. After what looked to be a moment of contemplation, Neru briskly stood and went to the rack stocked with numerous bottles of spirits, choosing Haku's favorite, with the least liquid remaining, tearing the cork off the top and plunking the ornate ring inside. She sealed the bottle and placed it back where it belonged before joining Haku's side again.

"It can't do us any harm, as long as you don't open it. Come here." Neru wrapped her arms around her tight, and Haku reciprocated solemnly. The room blurred as she felt her head being guided into the girl's warm lap.

"We've done this before." Neru murmured thoughtfully, smoothing hair out of Haku's face and caressing a cheek. "That first night we all came here, remember?"

How could she not? Haku smiled up at her shyly. "I do."

"You've done so much and asked for nothing." Neru laughed, to herself, incredulously. "There isn't an unkind bone in your body."

Haku remembered, remembered the horrible moment by the shore in which she almost lost herself. Her breath caught in her throat, tears trickling back towards her temples. Neru's forehead wrinkles with worry.

She doesn't want to hide anything any longer.

"When I lived with Rin at the church...I overheard her confessing. About everything. I was stunned, at first. I just didn't want...to believe it."

Neru nodded sagely, listening with her fullest attention.

"One night I was cutting vegetables for dinner, and out the window, I saw her walking into the ocean. I had no idea what she was doing so I went outside to see...and she was sending a bottle wish." Haku clutched her blouse in her restless fingers. "I thought about what I'd wish for, and all those times I wished for a friend back in the forest so long ago...and I thought of Miku. And...as I cried, I...I noticed that I had brought the kitchen knife along with me in my hand without meaning to." Her chest rose and fell quickly with shaking inhales. Everything just came tumbling out. "And...for a moment, it just felt right. R-Rin was distracted, she didn't even notice when I came right behind her, and it seemed too convenient that I'd held onto the knife...I thought something was telling me to...to..."

"...To kill her."

Haku bit her lip, eyes wide, nodding quickly, shamefully. She reached and covered her damp face with her hands, trying to shrink away, disappear. "I-I don't know what's wrong with me, I...I..."

Neru closed her hands around her wrists, pulling her arms open, looking down into her eyes.

"Nothing."

Haku hiccuped as she blinked back tears. "But...I almost-"

"But you didn't." Her lips twisted into a wry, almost pained smile. "Even with no one around to judge you."

Her gaze faltered to the side in shame. "I...was also just too afraid. That if I...did it, I'd be alone all over again." Haku closed her eyes, willing away the thoughts. "Ever since that day, it's been...difficult to look her in the eye. Knowing who she was, what she'd done..." Haku trailed off wistfully before giving Neru a sad smile. "I...envy you."

"Envy me?" Neru repeated, caught by surprise, "What do you mean?"

"When...when we first met, and you told me what you were planning to do...I've always admired y-your strength..." Haku could feel her cheeks tingling with color. Her mouth was particularly loose tonight.

"I'm-I'm not so sure it was all that impressive-" Neru rambled, her face taking on a rosen hue as well, "-I sort of...just went because I didn't know what else I was gonna do. I didn't have any plan or anything. Wouldn't have even known where to start. I think..." Neru toyed absently with a lock of Haku's hair, "...I think we're the same."

"Th-The same?"

Was there really any way she was at all like this wonderful girl? They were as different as night and day.

"We just...don't want to be lonely anymore."

"...Y...Yeah..." Warmth leaked out from beneath her lashes for the umpteenth time.

"In a way...I envy you too. Haku-" Neru cradled her face in her palms, her eyes intense and focused, "-there's more to you than you think. And I promise that sometime soon, I'll convince you of that, somehow."

Haku was stunned to silence by the conviction behind her words. Neru seemed to truly believe in them.

Believe in Haku.

"We don't have to be alone anymore, Haku." She thumbed away a renegade tear. "I'll be your friend, and that's a promise."

Haku smiled weakly, unable to resist the soft, warm feeling Neru filled her with, the way she had lifted so much weight from her heart.

The way she'd made things start to just feel normal again.

"...Thank you, Neru."

**A/N: **Oh wow, this chapter took me so much longer than expected! It's quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever written. XD It's extra big so I hope that makes up for the wait! It was so difficult getting everything in that I wanted, but it was also so very hard to not just make Neru kiss Haku senseless at times. God knows she needs it, ahaha~. As an extra tidbit, I don't think I mentioned it before, but in this story, Neru is 19 and Haku is 22. Just throwing that out there. Anyway, thanks so so much for your patience and for reading all the way to this point! Your encouragement goes a long way in helping me write more. Thanks again for reading, please do feel free to review and make my day!


	8. Intermezzo

**Intermezzo**

Haku couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"A-A bath?" Rin stammered in her stead. Neru nodded, beaming proudly.

"It took a while, but while you were both out picking berries, I drew up enough water from the well and got it nice and warm, so we can relax together."

Haku stared, dumbfounded, at the tub full of piping hot water. Furls of steam were flowing out the top of the bath invitingly. How long had it taken Neru to accomplish this? She turned to her, but her countless questions died on her lips at the sight of the other two girls disrobing eagerly. An incredible blush burned its way up her cheeks.

"Oh Neru, this is amazing!" Rin giggled, "It's been such a long time since we've had a bath together!" Haku had never seen her this ecstatic before; she had freed herself of her clothing entirely and set it aside, bouncing from foot to foot eagerly. In the attempt to avert her eyes, her gaze ended up settling on Neru, but her face only glowed hotter. Even though she was more familiar with Neru, she felt exponentially more embarrassed with how she couldn't help but admire the graceful, subtle lines of her body, unable to tear her eyes away.

Her heart throbbed painfully fast in her chest as a very naked Neru came up to her, right up to her, and began undoing the buttons at her collar. Haku squeaked, mouth opening and closing with a broken gasp.

"Um...! W-Wait, Neru, what, what are you-?" She stammered, completely flustered.

"Come on, the water won't stay hot forever." Neru's hands returned persistently to their previous work. With a flutter of a gasp, Haku stiffened and shied away until she was against the wall, but Neru matched her for every step, finishing with the buttons and tugging her blouse open around her creamy white shoulders. Rin was oblivious to her plight, already testing the water with her foot before easing inside with a delightful sigh. It really did look very relaxing, and Neru had gone through all that effort getting it ready-

Haku was brought swiftly back to the present as the steam hit her bare skin. Neru had slipped off her blouse, her skirt, her everything, and a wave of insecurity hit her as she compared herself to the other two girls. She quickly covered her breasts with her arms and bowed her head, fearing the pink that was staining her cheeks may become permanent.

"Ooh!" Rin leaned over the edge of the tub, grasping it carefully in her wet hands, eyes alight with interest, "Haku's so curvy!"

Thinking she might perish on the spot from embarrassment, Haku did the only thing she could think to do, and hastily clambered into the tub, occupying a space very close to the end and curling her legs up, her whole body flushing from warmth and self-consciousness. She watched as Neru took her hair down, a silky curtain of amber-blonde settling down her back, and stepped into the tub. Her body looked so lean and muscular, yet her shoulders seemed just as delicate and austere as Rin's. Haku's attention was drawn to her back as she swept her hair over one shoulder, eyes tracing her spine, her hips-

When she looked her direction, Haku suddenly felt guilty for staring so much and quickly looked away, drawing her legs even closer.

Neru seemed to understand her bashfulness, as she gave her a small smile and turned to Rin, playing with the girl's dampened hair.

"Wow Rin, your hair's really growing out now." Neru remarked absently, stroking her fingers through it.

"Help me wash it?" The bubbly girl giggled, leaning into her touch. Neru obligingly cupped some water in her hands and wet her hair, twirling locks of the golden strands idly. Haku watched with a twinge of envy. The two of them seemed so close, so comfortable together, like sisters. They even looked the part, with their matching blonde hair and beautiful, petite frames.

Haku found herself feeling terribly awkward and graceless in comparison. Lowering her gaze, she rubbed her aching legs absently, listening to them giggle as they splashed at each other. At some point, she felt a hand touch her shoulder; she looked up.

Rin.

Without a word, the girl circled her arms around her in a gentle hug, squeezing her affectionately. Haku's chin jutted over her shoulder, her lips parted in shock. She blinked at Neru, searching for some sort of answer, receiving only yet another mysterious smile. Rin's hands touched her face, smoothing hair away before kissing her forehead tenderly.

"Make sure you're taking care of yourself, okay?" Haku nodded absently, too surprised to be embarrassed about her exposed state and their proximity. "Good night."

Rin got out of the tub, taking a towel off the counter on her way out the door, presumably to turn in for the night. Haku's first instinct was to get up and do the same, but Neru's fingers closed gently around a wrist as she turned and made to get up.

"You didn't have anyone to wash your back or anything..." Neru offered, coaxing her back towards the tub, "...so here, let me do it for you." Haku's face burned hot at the thought of them alone in the tub, Neru touching her body, with all its imperfections and faults.

"B-But, N-Neru..." She grasped the side of the tub worriedly, staring down between her wet hands, "...I'm...I'm just...just so-" So what? Haku couldn't describe it at all, couldn't describe how different she felt and looked than Neru.

"Haku, please-" Haku looked up, somewhat startled by the urgency of her tone. Her eyes were so very imploring like this, filled with a rare vulnerability, "-I wanted this for-" She swallowed, lowering her voice and looking to the side. Now it was her turn to blush. "-for...you."

Neru had done all this...for her?

As she digested this new information, a thought suddenly struck her.

Just shortly before, there'd been a moment where she hadn't been afraid of Rin at all.

She understood now, what Neru was showing her, understood the meaning of those secret smiles: she'd wanted Haku to see that beneath the queen was a girl.

Just a girl.

Haku relaxed into a less defensive posture, smiling shyly.

"N-Neru..." She finally managed to meet her eyes like this, her own brimming with appreciative tears, "...Thank you so much."

Her golden eyes were so very warm. Neru leaned closer and took Haku's hair ribbon between her fingers, pulling it loose and balling it up before tossing it towards the pile of clothes on the floor.

"Sorry." Haku could hear the apologetic smile in her voice as she shifted behind her, sweeping her silvery hair over a shoulder. "I really put you on the spot."

"I'm okay." Haku replied quickly. "I needed th-" She gasped softly and all but melted against the side of the tub as Neru's hands began kneading her shoulders, "-_this_..." The last word came out as more of a whistling hiss than a word, but it didn't matter. She could barely think like this. A dreamy sigh passed her lips as she rested her cheek on her forearms, braced carefully on the edge of the tub. Her hands felt so skilled, strong.

"I used to do this all the time for the queen." Neru supplied, bringing handfuls of water over Haku's back and rubbing the ache from her body. The dripping of the excess water echoed loudly in the small room. Haku's eyes began to ease shut as she tried to remember a time she'd felt more at peace. She could not. "I know I say that a lot." Neru laughed sheepishly.

"It's alright." Haku murmured quietly. What was this strange, sad feeling that seized her whenever Neru talked so fondly of Rin? She closed her eyes, trying to will it away, but it was persistent.

"Say, Haku," Neru's words roused her from her daze, "where did you learn to write and read? I-I mean-" She stammered, perhaps realizing how blunt of a question it was, "-it's just rare to meet someone literate outside of the palace, and I was just curious..." Haku could hear the nervous, uneasy smile behind her voice.

"Well...Miku taught me." Haku wasn't sure whether this topic would prove to be more or less comfortable than her puzzling thoughts from moments before, but if anything, she found conversation with Neru hard to resist.

Neru's hands paused subtly in their movement against her shoulders, but resumed with little delay. "Go on."

"Being the village favorite, she had many more blessings and opportunities to see new places and learn new things." Haku traced her fingers along the edge of the tub idly. "It was very kind of her to share her experiences with someone like me. She'd come over whenever she had time and she'd teach me in the kitchen over some tea. But..." She propped her chin onto her wrists again, reminiscing, "...there were of course a lot of other people in the village, and...I understood. But I didn't want to forget everything. And sometimes I didn't feel safe all alone, so I took some books and things down to the cellar so I could practice on my own, away from everything else. And...most of what I know now, I taught myself. I just needed something to do when she wasn't around..." Haku sighed.

"That was pretty often, wasn't it?"

She swallowed, quickly swearing to herself that she wouldn't cry this time. "You-you know, Neru?" Her voice cracked with the effort before tapering into nervous laughter. "I envy you and Rin. You're so close to each other and are so alike..." Haku smiled sadly. "...I suppose I...am still an outsider in some ways. Maybe-" Her cheeks colored inexplicably, "-I'm jealous of what you and Rin have. I've always wanted something like-like that-"

Haku's words died abruptly in her throat as Neru's arms surrounded her waist and drew their bodies together.

"You're not. You never have been. Maybe...maybe at first, I wanted you to feel that way. But not anymore. Never again. Because...I..." Haku could feel her lashes fluttering on her skin, "...I was the one who was jealous. It didn't take long to figure out that Rin...isn't really who I've thought she was. In a way, well-" Neru's grasp on her tightened, almost unnoticeably, her cheek resting on Haku's shoulder, "-you're the one I really know."

It was then that Haku realized that what she'd really wanted, what she and Neru now had, wasn't exactly what Rin and Neru had at all.

Similar, but still very, very different. New.

And yet, somehow also familiar, safe, warm.

Haku wanted to name the feeling. It was hidden in plain sight, just beyond her comprehension, like she'd known something like it before, but not really, and it was driving her _mad_-

She swallowed thickly as she registered Neru's fingertips trailing idly up and down on her stomach, crossing her navel, circling it. Slowly, a quiet, deep breath escaped her lips as her skin crawled pleasantly in response. Neru's naked body was pressed so closely to hers that she could feel every modest curve, every contour, every_thing_, the firm and the soft, as the petite girl sat up, sliding her slick, soapy skin against her back-

-and touched her lips to the nape of her neck.

The warmth flooding up Haku's throat and face from the contact grew so intense that her vision blurred a little as the feeling collected and peaked behind her eyes, from the back of her head to the tips of her toes. It was such an innocent gesture on the surface, yet there was something undoubtedly, profoundly intimate about it. She could feel Neru's heartbeat pressing close against her, and at once felt incredibly vulnerable and yet completely protected in her embrace.

Neru's hands drifted to Haku's shoulders, sliding them down her arms before they came to a rest over her hands. Wordlessly, she laced her fingers into Haku's and pulled her arms into a self-embrace just under the swell of her breasts, lips grazing right behind the shell of her exposed ear before nipping it softly. She giggled playfully when Haku yielded a tiny whimper of surprise, the humidity of her breath making her cheeks darken in color. Her mouth lingered casually over the sensitive skin, dangerously oblivious to exactly what it was doing to Haku, before retreating back down her throat to nuzzle safely against her pulse.

Haku's eyes glossed over with contented bliss, warmth pooling at her lashes and running down her cheeks. It felt strange to smile so much, to smile at all, but she just couldn't stop.

Neru guided Haku's head into her right shoulder and reclined with her against the side of the tub. Haku stared at the ceiling through the haze of warmth and steam as she settled comfortably against the space between it and her slender, regal neck. When she closed her eyes, it was only her elation at Neru's touch that warded off the overpowering impulse to let sleep claim her then and there. She wanted, _needed_ to stay awake, to stay with her, stay like this for every moment she was allowed to partake in the bliss of her company.

"I-I think...I envy Rin a little..." She murmured, a hint of friendly jealousy in her voice, "...for having this."

For having Neru.

"No. This..." Her fingers ghosted beneath her navel, trailing across the sensitive skin, "...is for you."

Haku's lips parted with a soundless moan as Neru's hands eased paths across her body, following the outlines of her hips, her waist, the length of stomach made solid and tight from a life of work and labor. As she fought to draw breath through her blush, she felt Neru's fingers entwining with those of her own, claiming a hand tightly and crossing it over her waist to her left side in a firm embrace. She felt so warm that it was almost unbearable, powerful shivers racing up and down her body; she had to tell her she was burning up. She let the flighty fingertips of Neru's free hand guide her face towards hers, a soft, desperate sound escaping her lips as she finally managed to open her heavy eyes.

"Ne..." Their noses brushed, foreheads touched, and they weren't pulling away, "...ru."

The moisture trapped in Neru's lashes give her eyes a comforting look, like that of thick, sweet honey. As if in response to that line of thought, Haku's mouth relaxed partway open, Neru's breath warming her lips.

"...N-Neru...?" Haku murmured softly. Neru's hand slid back until her fingers threaded into her tresses, coaxing her forward.

The space between their lips ceased to be.

Haku hadn't thought it possible to feel so much at once. It seemed like everything that had come before, all of the hurt she'd endured, the home she'd lost-even if it weren't much of a home-and the meaningless life she'd lived until she met Neru-

-in this moment, it was all worth it.

The sound of the door opening quickly jarred them apart. The water sounded so loud when they bolted upright, in contrast to the unbroken stillness of the moment just prior. Rin shuffled in sleepily, glancing around for something.

"What?" Neru inquired curtly. Her arms settled protectively on the curves of Haku's waist. She gave a short, stressful sigh. "What is it?"

"My...my hair ribbon..." Rin yawned, wringing her hands in her nightgown. Despite her somnolent state, she seemed especially disturbed by its absence.

"...What?"

"I can't find it, I-"

"That's it?" Neru asked incredulously.

"It's...it's..." Rin looked like she was about to cry.

"Wh-Whoa hey-" Neru's tone lost some of its edge, "-what's the matter, why's it so important?"

Rin's chest rose and fell quickly with anxious, uneven breaths. "It..it was, w-w-was-" She buried her face in her hands, "-his! A-And I l-l-lost, it-"

A look of realization dawned on Neru's face. "...Ohh...w-well I'm sure it couldn't have gone far, since we never leave here..."

"Here, Rin-" Haku reassured her kindly, "-I'll help you look."

When Haku made to stand up from the tub, she swore she felt Neru's arms resisting the motion, reluctant to let her go from their embrace. She busied herself by pulling on her nightgown, eager to hide her intense blush. Neru followed suit shortly, and they split up, searching the cottage as thoroughly as they could: the kitchen, the space near their bed, everywhere. It was simply nowhere to be found. Rin was trying to hold it in, but Haku could tell she was grieving its loss deeply.

"It's getting late..." Neru sighed. Rin's eyes were empty of everything but tears.

"Let's...let's get laundry together before we head to bed?" Haku suggested. She knew that a distraction would do the girl well.

In all honesty, she could do with a distraction herself.

Rin nodded aimlessly and followed her and Neru into the washroom, helping carry their clothes to the main room to be sorted. They had scarcely gone through a few blouses when Rin stopped suddenly, shoulders shuddering with the effort to hold back from crying. Neru reached a hand around her and rubbed her arm vigorously.

They were all at something of a loss. Haku wiped her eyes on her sleeve and shook out Rin's dress-

-and from its folds fluttered a long, beautiful ribbon.

Haku wordlessly picked it up, held it out to Rin. The girl made a sound like she was too relieved to breathe, and with trembling hands, accepted it, clasping it tightly and bringing it to her lips. She was having trouble articulating her thoughts.

"Rin," Haku spoke gently, "you need rest."

"Yeah," Neru leaned over and kissed the crown of her head, "we'll finish up."

Rin nodded shakily, still trembling with relief, and left the room. As they finished the laundry, Haku couldn't stop her thoughts from lingering on Neru, how she had just kissed Rin.

She didn't understand why she couldn't stop thinking about it, why it made her heart twist. It had seemed so innocuous, like nothing at all.

Just like that, she had her answer.

...

Haku's sleep seemed to have become far more peaceful than it had been before those few nights ago, when she'd finally shared everything, but she was a little more fretful tonight. Neru smoothed her hair out of her face absently, her hand pausing over her cheek as she just looked at her, at her lips-

There was no point in denying what they'd done. All that remained to be seen, what she never had the chance to ask, was what it had meant to her, but perhaps it wasn't a fair question, because Neru wasn't even sure what it meant to herself, what Haku meant to her.

She just wanted to _know_, to know so that when the time came, she'd have an answer and she'd say it and avoid toying with her, hurting her more than the world already had, than her so-called _friend_ already had-

Neru began caressing her cheek with the back of her hand, in no particular pattern at all, deep in thought. Haku had been through so much, been through _enough_ already. She'd had nothing, and then that girl had given her a life to lose. Neru was glad that at least now, she could do something for her, help her let go of the sad past that haunted her dreams, of the girl whose name she'd whimper for in her sleep-

"...Ne...ru..."

She didn't know what came over herself. Neru just stared at her for a moment before stilling her hand, cupping her cheek suddenly and pressing a kiss against her lips. She just couldn't help being fascinated by her strength, her innate desire to keep going. Even after all she'd been through, she'd continued on, less than a shadow of an existence, quietly harboring everyone's secrets, taking her and Rin into her home without a word and sharing what little she had left to give.

Neru wanted to do the same for her. Not out of any sense of obligation-no, that just wasn't the way things were between them-but because she simply wanted to.

Wanted_ Haku_.

She didn't realize that she'd begun to kiss her as hard as she had been until Haku's eyes fluttered open sleepily, widening with alarm as she registered what was happening.

They looked at each other a moment, acknowledging what was happening.

They didn't stop.

All Neru wanted was to make Haku stop hurting so badly inside, to no longer need to cry over the unresolved loose ends that were her heartstrings, frayed and left behind with the abrupt and numerous losses she'd endured. To mend her, in heart, body, and soul.

Haku's lips were soft and pliant under hers, and the quiet, breathy moan emanating from them drew Neru closer, deepening the kiss.

A sleepy sound beside them made them freeze and pull back. Rin shifted restlessly for a moment before settling with her back to them, her breathing once more becoming slow and peaceful. Haku let go of a held breath, her oft-milky cheeks now completely flushed. Neru eased forward with a palm on her shoulder, settling Haku on her back and shifting over her.

"Haku-" Neru began, her inquisitive, almost sultry whisper ghosting over Haku's lips, "-do you like me?"

Haku simply stared up at her, worry and trepidation in every line of her face. She opened and closed her mouth, looking anywhere but Neru's eyes without saying a word.

Why did she look so uncomfortable?

"Don't...you...?" Neru could quickly feel flustered shame rising in her cheeks. Why wasn't she answering? Wasn't it a simple question? Was it because of...

..._her_?

"Look, I'm-" Neru frowned, desperately seeking the right words, "-not..._her_, okay?" She sat up, feeling the hot tears prickling as they formed at her lashes, "Don't you know that?"

That did it. She scrambled off the bed, swiping her sleeve across her eyes and nose as she scurried back to the washroom, Haku following on her heels one dazed moment later.

"N-Neru-!" Her frantic whisper made her falter, but not enough for Neru to not firmly shut the door behind her. She slumped against it, sinking to the ground and hugging under her knees, bracing her forehead on them as the tears welled forth. "W-Wait, please, it's...it's not-" Haku sobbed, desperation evident in her voice. Part of Neru wanted to turn around and go back to her and pet her and say everything would work out, but she wasn't about to cry in front of Haku, not when she'd already so badly embarrassed herself by opening up too much. She'd kissed her so easily, without thinking twice: it felt too right to be wrong, but what if it had been?

"Don't come in!" Neru choked in a loud whisper as she felt Haku trying the door knob frantically. The efforts stopped, even though she knew she'd wanted to keep trying, even though it was her own home anyway.

She felt Haku slumping against the other side of the door, beginning to cry right along with her, in her subdued, stifled way. Something warm and soft brushed Neru's hand; she looked down, and it was Haku's, reaching for her under the door.

"Is-Is this...okay...?" The dejection in Haku's voice nearly broke Neru's heart. Without hesitating, she closed her fingers tightly around all of her that she could touch, letting her unyielding grasp speak for her. Haku's tears subsided, her shaky breath evening itself back out steadily, eventually slowing as she slipped into a weary slumber.

It was only Haku's ability to do so, Haku's comfort, that allowed Neru to do the same.

**A/N: **They finally kissed! I hope this makes the inexcusably long wait worth it now, I am so sorry it took this much time, but I was just being extraordinarily picky like always. On top of that I had a nasty case of writer's block too, so that set me back a bit. Things are definitely picking up now, so I hope you continue reading! Thank you so much for sticking with the story this long and reading so far, I hope you will continue to do so, and please review if you want to make my day! XD


	9. Sforzando

**Sforzando**

The two days they went without speaking felt like an eternity.

They simply didn't know what to say to each other-or at least, Neru didn't. It was all she could do to avoid Haku, because she knew she was too shy to confront her about it directly. Even so, it felt like Haku was avoiding her just as much, which somehow made it worse. She seemed especially troubled, and it was difficult, but Neru convinced herself that they needed some time, that they'd talk again when the time was right and they had all the time in the world to work things out.

The sudden rift between them did not go unnoticed by Rin, but really, she'd have been surprised if it did, with them living together for so long and it being only the three of them under one roof. They'd had breakfast together that sweltering summer morning, which Haku ate quickly and quietly without a word and excused herself early to do more housework. Neru's eyes followed her, secretly, as she sat and began to fold the laundry.

Haku had always been taking care of their dirty laundry.

She felt Rin's eyes on her and caught herself staring, turning back to her fruit quickly and sinking her teeth into a juicy strawberry distractedly.

"Neru?"

"Mm?"

Rin folded her arms on the table and leaned in close, bringing her voice down to a whisper. "What's going on?"

She was finally mentioning it.

"I don't know what you mean." Neru quickly took another bite, immediately knowing that that's not something a truly clueless person says, and that it's better to have her mouth full and delay the response she'll have to give when Rin_ does _call her on it-

"Neru."

"...Mm?"

Rin gave her a look that told her she was far from buying the feigned obliviousness. Neru quickly took another bite of her breakfast. "You shouldn't eat so quickly." She drew her lips into a tight line, as she was inclined to do while in thought, before relaxing her mouth and raising her brows innocently.

Neru's chewing slowed marginally, her eyes darting up to quickly meet Rin's, before returning to the spot on the table she'd been focusing on. She was disadvantaged. Neru could stare at Rin all she wanted and have no idea what was going on inside her head if Rin wanted to hide it. But she could take one look at Neru and know exactly what she was thinking. Neru had to move fast before Rin pulled her thread, unraveled everything.

"Haku must just be working too hard lately." She shrugged as if it didn't matter, like it didn't worry her sick. "She does a lot around here and it's getting hotter out-" Neru stopped as Rin sat up straighter and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear with her delicate, flour-dusted fingers, realizing her mistake a moment too late.

"I didn't say anything about Haku."

Neru swallowed thickly, sucking in the inside, tender part of her lower lip and worrying at it with her teeth.

"Well why does it matter that I did?" Neru returned evenly.

"Because you certainly don't hate her."

"Of course not." Neru whispered back too eagerly. The idea of hating Haku was so incredulous to her that she began to ramble. "She does so much more for us than she should have to, I can't help-"

Her eyes drifted to Haku, watching as she wiped her brow on the back of her hand in fatigue.

How exactly had she planned to end that sentence?

She couldn't tear her gaze away, and somehow, as if by the sheer force of her will, Haku lifted her face and looked back at her.

Neru found herself thinking of the kisses they'd traded, the profound intimacy they'd experienced with each other, until-

Haku cast her eyes back down to the laundry awkwardly, and from the encroaching redness on her cheeks, Neru knew she was thinking of the same thing she'd been. She became self-aware again and realized Rin was watching.

"I also know that..." Rin's voice dropped to an even softer volume, "...you're not the type to feel halfway about anyone." Neru pointedly avoided meeting her eyes. "Neru...did something...happen?"

Before she could find a way to answer the difficult question, the sound of something falling reached their ears. Neru bolted out of her seat: it was Haku, unresponsive on the floor from the weight of the laundry basket she'd been lifting, the contents of which now strewn about messily.

She felt her mind going blank as she stumbled out of her chair, running to her side and calling her name. Vaguely, she remembered Rin saying "oh my god" over and over as she followed and watched Neru try to gently shake her awake. Neru touched a hand to Haku's cheek and received an exhausted groan that made her both relieved and anxious: she was still alive, thank goodness, thank _everything_, but she was clearly sick. Her skin was feverishly hot to the touch and she definitely needed rest.

She hadn't realized Rin had walked away until she came back, a moist rag in her hands. Neru swiped it from her quickly and pressed the cool cloth to Haku's forehead and cheeks to slow the advancing heat in her face.

"Help me get her to the bed."

Somehow, Neru and Rin managed to get her to her feet-the poor woman could barely stand even with their combined support-wobbling precariously between them before easing her towards it and sitting her down, where she almost immediately fell into the blankets.

"W-What should we do?" Rin asked once the two of them had gotten her comfortably on her back. Haku's breath was slow and quiet: she'd probably been too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

"I-I-" Neru swallowed a shudder, feeling warmth prickling at her eyes with worry, "-I don't know...I don't know..." She couldn't tear her eyes away from Haku's fragile-looking frame, how flushed her usually-pale skin was suddenly, couldn't _think_-

"Neru." Rin's voice is astoundingly clear all of a sudden. In a daze, Neru looks her way. "Neru she's not well." She grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Let me go into town to get something for her fever. I'll wear your cloak the whole time and be in and out really quickly, I swear. Tell me which direction to go, you've gone through here before, right?" Neru looked between the two of them, not bothering to hide the wet streaks of tears on her face, not sure what she was trying to process. Rin shook her shoulders tightly. "Haku needs you here. She needs your help, Neru."

Neru pointed towards the window in the kitchen, the determination to help Haku imbuing her with a renewed sense of clarity, "It's that way. Keep the sun on your left shoulder." Rin nodded and didn't waste a single moment pulling on Neru's cloak and pulling the hood up, swinging open the door and disappearing into the forest.

...

When Haku woke up, it was already around midday. Neru didn't know what she wanted to do most: scream at her, apologize, kiss her?

Perhaps all three. "Rin's getting something for your fever. You feeling any better?" was what came out, eventually, as she touched the back of her hand to Haku's cheeks, her forehead.

"No..." Her voice cracked and somehow Neru knew she wasn't talking about the fever. She had a look on her face, a desperation in her eyes like she wanted to say something, but she quickly glanced away. Perspiration was beading on her skin from the sun's warmth beating down, and the front of her blouse was visibly damp. Neru dabbed the washcloth over her forehead, her cheek, noticing the way Haku wouldn't look at her, wouldn't acknowledge her-

She couldn't take this anymore.

Neru swept the washcloth around the other cheek suddenly, pulling Haku to face her. The cloth slipped from between her fingers, which ended up curled around her chin thoughtfully. Their eyes met and she didn't have to tell her to start talking: tears rolled quickly down her red cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Neru-" She took a shuddering breath, "-I'm sorry."

Neru grit her teeth reflexively. "Stop that." She was trembling. "Stop apologizing."

"But-" Haku closed her eyes, "-I hurt you, didn't I?" She bit her lip in a poor attempt to stifle an oncoming hiccup. "It's been an entire year, and I'm just making the same mistakes all over again-"

"A year? Since what?" Neru thumbed away a tear from her cheek before slipping her hand into Haku's. Haku swallowed painfully and opened her eyes, without really looking at Neru.

"This time last year was when I...met Miku."

Miku. Of course.

"I don't feel so well when I think of those times." Perhaps all the stress of the bad memories was making her feel ill.

Bad memories and bad timing.

"I was always just...in the way. I never felt like I deserved to be called her friend, and-" She took a shuddering breath, voice breaking, "-even at the very end, I only made her upset with me. And now, I-I've messed up again, and you're upset with me t-too, when...when you're the last person I want to hurt-" Tears were running all over her reddened face, and Neru was at once pained and-she hated to admit it-gratified to see such a strong reaction on her account. "-I-I can't-...I don't even know how to take care of the people closest to me..."

A long silence stretched over them, punctuated only by the occasional rasping sob from Haku's quivering lips. Finally, Neru opened her mouth with the question that had been weighing on her mind ever since Haku had told her about that girl.

"Haku...did you love Miku?"

Haku's sobs ceded for a moment as she opened her eyes fully, blinking in shock.

"L-Love?" She stammered, the blotchy redness in her face intensifying. "I...well..."

As Neru watched her fumble nervously over her words, she felt sudden, scathing hot jealousy scorching her heart, creeping up and prickling her behind the eyes. Why did Miku have to have such a hold on Haku, why _should_ she, even from beyond the grave? It wasn't _fair_-

"...I don't know."

-Why was Neru so _relieved_?

"I mean...not anymore, at least. I don't know. For a time, I thought I did, but-" The color in her cheeks darkened persistently, and she looked terribly puzzled, "-lately, I...have wondered if that's really how I felt for her. I always felt like...like the ugly duckling to her. It was-" There was a moment of noticeable hesitation, and her words slowed down, "-different than how I feel...with...you, and-and I just feel guilty somehow because I've felt less close to her-her memory since...ever since-"

"Since...?"

"...I met you."

Neru's throat tightened inexplicably. "...Why would that make you feel guilty?"

"It's just that..." Haku wrung the edge of the blanket in her hands, "...I've been letting go of her and...I'm...the happiest I've ever been in my life, and-" Haku's chest heaved with new, heavy sobs, "-and I shouldn't be-and, and I don't deserve a friend like you when it's my fault she-"

"Stop." Neru felt sick to her stomach when Haku spoke about herself like that. "I get it, okay? You just wanted someone who would look at you and not treat you like garbage, and she happened to treat you that way the least out of all of them." Haku stopped crying and listened, very quietly. "But she didn't stand up for you when everyone pulled you out of bed that night and did whatever they did to you. And in the end, even after that, she chose them over you and forced you to choose too, even when either way, you would lose something. If she were a real friend, she'd never have asked such a thing of you." Haku's eyes were puffy and red, but she remained silent. "But you know what? You're wonderful and you deserve to be happy. She's the one that chose wrong, not you. And they're the ones who are garbage, not you. And-" Neru felt tears stinging her eyes and squeezed them out, "-and I'm not her. That's all I want you to know. I'm sorry for running away from you the other night-" She fumbled the apology awkwardly: she'd never been the best at them, "-I was just so scared that-that you'd think I would ever hurt you the same way-"

"Neru-" Haku sat up with renewed strength and cupped her face, thumbing away her tears. "-I know." Neru nuzzled into her touch, sniffling pitifully before kneeling onto the bed, surrounding Haku's shoulders with her arms. They embraced very tightly before Neru felt Haku's voice muffling against her chest, "-th-that was why I didn't...answer right away-" Neru knew she was talking about the other night, "...b-because-" She inhaled shakily, fingers clenching the fabric at the small of Neru's back, "-I didn't want you to think that...that I thought you were just a replacement, because, you're _not_-"

Neru stroked her hair comfortingly as she spoke, pressing her lips to the crown of her head. "I'm sorry for ever thinking you would." Her other hand slid down around her waist and held her tighter. They were still, quiet for a moment, before Haku spoke again.

"E-Everything you said...I...think I...knew it inside, or-or wanted to believe in for so long, but-"

"-You didn't trust yourself."

Haku nodded against her, shaking terribly.

"N-No one ever told me otherwise, that-that I should-"

"All of that is over now, okay?" Haku hesitated but did manage a weak nod before lifting her face and smiling tenderly at her.

"...You're the best friend I've ever had."

Friend.

Neru touched their foreheads together, pressing a smile, not a kiss, against her mouth.

She would be what Haku needed her to be.

An unusual noise reached their ears: one that they'd lived in the forest long enough to realize was not just the trees and ambient noise. They shared a look before Neru motioned for Haku to wait, getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen to peer out the window. What she saw made her recoil and hastily grab around for one of the knives on the counter.

"It's a horse! Someone's on a horse!" She whispered frantically, climbing back into bed with Haku. "Stay behind me-"

"-Neru-?"

"Stay. Behind me." Neru backed Haku into the corner of the bed, facing the door with the knife at the ready. She had the most experience with short blades, but she could only hope it would be enough to protect Haku. She felt her fingers clenching onto one shoulder worriedly.

"N-Neru, we should just hide, please don't risk it-"

"There's not enough time-"

"Wait-" One of Haku's hands approached the knife before shying back, "-this knife, it's-it's the one I almost used to-!" She pressed a hand to her mouth. "I can tell from the rust on the handle where I dropped it into the water, Rin must've brought it with us for cooking when we-"

"Shh! We'll worry about it later."

The pounding of horse hooves got closer and closer before skidding to a stop with a loud whinnying. Neru pressed herself as far back against Haku as she could as the doorknob turned, quickly flinging the wooden door open-

"Rin?" Neru lowered the knife. The girl's cloak was disheveled and sweat was plastering her hair to her cheeks and forehead as she panted breathlessly. She sank to her hands and knees, clearly exhausted, the other girls rushing to her side.

"Rin, what happened? Are you alright?" Haku asked urgently, eyes filled with worry.

"S-Stupid-" Rin finally gasped out, punching the floor, "-_animal_! Things were going fine and-I can't believe it-" They couldn't tell what she was more: exhausted, angry, or fearful. "-Josephine! Stupid, clever Josephine, she was being used as someone's pack mule and she recognized me, and pulled my hood down, and-I was seen!" She broke down sobbing, apologizing over and over again. Neru grabbed the dazed girl's shoulders and shook her.

"Rin, Rin-!" She called, before administering a quick, hard slap across the face, "-Calm down. Were you followed at all?"

Her chest heaved with gasping breaths as the hit knocked some clarity into her and she slowly shook her head. "Josephine was much faster than their half-breeds, I lost them on the way out of town. I-I was so scared, everyone was-was trying to catch me and...and now I've put you...us in danger-"

Haku embraced Rin, holding her close. "We can't do anything about it right now...and you don't have to go back there."

"That's right." Neru added reassuringly. "Tomorrow morning, I'll run into town just to see if anything changed-"

"No."

The firm protest came from a very unexpected source: Haku.

"But we need to know how serious it is-"

"Then I'll go." She replied quietly, but firmly. "I've been there more often so it might be easier to tell what's changed-" She matched eyes with Neru before she could come up with another argument, "-and what would happen if they recognized you too? What would I-...we do if something were to happen to you?"

Neru felt an invisible hand's fingers curl around her heart at the thought of Haku being alone again, and she knew there was no other way. She knew Haku was serious, and she was proud of her.

But she still didn't like it.

...

The following morning was cool and misty. None of them had slept well that night. Haku idled outside the cottage, sitting on a log and watching Josephine. She was a smart animal and had stayed faithfully nearby the house overnight, grazing on what grass she could find poking through the earth.

"Hey." A voice at the door caught her attention; Haku looked over in its direction. Neru. "You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?"

"O-Oh, I was just-ah-" Josephine had closed the distance between them and was nudging her shoulder with her nose, sensing she had lost her audience. Haku smiled at her antics and ran her hand along the beautiful creature's nose. "-I just needed some air."

Neru sat down next to Haku and gave Josephine a comforting pat. The horse ambled around the trees and went back to looking for grass. The girls spent a long, quiet moment watching her, before Haku felt something on her hand.

It was Neru's.

Haku looked at her, opening her mouth to speak and closing it again. Neru was digging a rock out of the ground with her foot distractedly, eyes not really focused on it. She squeezed her hand and Haku squeezed hers in return.

She knew Neru was scared.

What was going to happen to them? Would Rin's being discovered really change anything for them, being tucked away safely in the heart of the woods?

How safe were they?

They wouldn't know until Haku went and saw if anything was happening in town. Maybe she didn't want to know.

She looked at Neru, the way her head was bowed and eyes downcast, worry hanging heavy in her lashes.

Neru wouldn't stop being scared until she knew. Resolutely, Haku stood up, but Neru's hand in hers resisted the motion. They shared another glance; she wasn't used to seeing Neru's eyes like this, so uncertain and tired-

Neru brought the back of Haku's hand to her lips, closing her eyes and brushing a chaste kiss against her fingers.

"Come back safe. Please."

Haku's lips parted in a silent gasp, a tinge of pink smattering her cheeks before she closed her mouth and nodded understandingly. They finally parted.

Each and every time Haku looked back over her shoulder, Neru was sitting there, watching her, right where she'd left her, until the trees and their webs of leaves closed between them.

...

The town was much, much quieter than Haku had ever remembered it being. What few people were outdoors were huddled together, whispering. The windows rattled audibly under the breeze.

Where would she even start? The breadth of her task dawned on her for the first time.

Her eyes settled on the tavern and she remembered, suddenly, with a spark of hope igniting within.

Meiko.

Her feet moved almost on their own, bringing her closer and closer to the tavern. Meiko was still serving under Kaito, and she was a woman of the people, she would know how everyone, including the king, had reacted to the news of Rin's being alive, and most importantly, whether anything was going to happen.

She entered the tavern, and saw not Meiko, but Lily, polishing a glass on her skirt.

"Haku!" She called her over with an excited whisper, gesturing for her to sit down. "You have amazing timing, you'll never believe what happened yesterday!"

"What happened?" Haku asked, taking a seat, sensing that she was going to get answers very soon regardless of Meiko's absence.

Lily poured Haku a drink, waving off her refusal before she could get it out of her mouth, "Trust me, you're going to need every drop of this one." Lily leaned over the counter intently, a very serious expression on her face. "The deposed queen, Rin? She's _alive_. Someone spotted her in town yesterday."

Haku tried her best to look shocked. "Th-That can't be..."

"That's what we all thought too!" Lily was getting lively, the way she always was while sharing gossip. "Because, we all saw the execution, we were all so sure it was her, but now people are putting two and two together-" Lily was running short of breath, getting swept away in her story, "-and wondering if the servant that mysteriously disappeared before we caught her-well, thought we caught her-was a double."

"...How has Meiko been taking the news?" Haku asked, partly to steer the conversation towards her and partly out of worry: Meiko was a woman of honor, and Haku wasn't sure how she'd react to knowing she'd helped getting the wrong person executed.

"That's what I'm worried about, she doesn't know." Lily's expression was serious. "But as soon as I heard the queen was alive, I sent out a letter by courier last night, so it should reach her by late tonight or early tomorrow morning, but...I'm afraid it's worse than that."

Haku's head was still swimming with all the new information. Meiko didn't know. Now her guess was as good as any how Kaito was going to react, and _it was worse _than that?

"How...do you mean?"

Lily leaned in close to whisper, "That boy, the one that must have died in the queen's place...would be Len, Meiko had known him. He was like a brother to her when they served the same nobles as house servants. She still loves Kaito, that much is obvious, but the other reason she's tolerated so much of him is because her position mandates that she travel the country often, and...I think she'd still been hoping to find him after he'd gone...missing in the revolution. But...now..." Lily's troubled eyes met hers, "...you understand?"

Haku pieced everything together. To Meiko, this was not simply news that the queen had lived, but that her brother had died. She nodded slowly and circled her fingertip around the edge of her glass idly.

"And...what about Kaito? He knows, right?"

Lily nodded grimly. "There's supposed to be an announcement in the square soon. You can wait with me here if you want and we can go listen to it together. Not like there's much else to do while we wait with everyone holed-up inside..."

She hadn't a chance to touch her drink, however, when two ornately decorated men, young, but unmistakably important, entered the bar. They looked familiar somehow, and yet Haku was sure she'd never met them in her life.

Haku caught Lily's eyes and they quickly shared a look, a mutual agreement that she'd leave the talking to Lily, but as they drew closer, one of them, with a shock of bright red hair on his head and a snarl on his lips, glared holes into Haku.

"You there. Get out. Now."

Before Haku could respond, the other man, with a heavy bandage covering one eye and wrapping around his head, approached and put a firm hand on his shoulder.

"_Akaito_," He reprimanded smoothly, "that's no way to speak to a beautiful woman." Turning, he smiled at Haku apologetically. "Don't mind my brutish brother. Please stay and enjoy your drink." There was something sinister and underhanded in his voice and Haku did not like it. "I insist."

"We're not here to flirt, Taito." Akaito grumbled. His words fell on deaf ears, as Taito was already taking a seat right beside Haku. She paled and adjusted in her chair, withdrawing in on herself and staring at the table.

Lily cleared her throat. "Gentlemen." She addressed them tightly, "What can I get for you?"

Haku's attention had been entirely within her own personal sphere of focus that was the table, her drink, herself-

-and then, a broad hand reaching and settling on a thigh through her skirt, squeezing it slowly, deliberately.

"This one." She could hear Taito purring over the sound of blood rushing in her ears, "I'll have what this one is having."

She winced as his hand slid along her thigh, to her knee and back. Her knuckles whitened around the edge of her chair.

"Our business is with Lily." Akaito iterated with a sense of finality. "We don't have time for this."

"With me, huh? Then tell your brother to get his hands off my guest." Lily glared hard at him venomously before sniffing haughtily. "Besides, I thought my breaking up with you would've gotten it into your head that I don't go around."

"Don't flatter yourself, bitch-"

"_Akaito_." Taito let go of Haku and placed another warning hand on his brother's shoulder. "My apologies Lily, but you're not...my type." He smiled, wolfsmiled, at Haku once more. She swallowed tightly and stared at them warily. "Now. Let's talk about this like reasonable adults."

Lily looked at Haku and tilted her chin towards the door. "Go ahead. I'll tell them what's what. I'll catch up with you later."

As Haku stood hesitantly to leave, a hand, Taito's hand, closed quickly around hers and he smiled. Pulled. His lips were nearing her fingers-

-she thought of that morning-

-of _Neru_-

At the last possible moment, surprising even herself, Haku snatched her hand back from his grasp. The eye he had fixed on her widened with increased interest, a bemused smirk playing across his lips, and she knew she had to leave, just get away from him-

She shared one more look with Lily, seeking permission, and was met with a firm nod, to which she nodded back gratefully and quickly left the bar.

...

Time crawled on at an agonizing pace. Noon felt so far away: how much time had even passed? She worried for the umpteenth time about Lily, trying to reassure herself that it was _Lily_, and nothing was going to happen: she dealt with unruly men in her bar all the time. Haku's presence there, drawing Taito's unsavory attention seemed to be doing more harm than good when it came to prolonging their stay. Even if leaving was the best thing she could've done to help, Haku wished there was a way for her to more actively help her.

It wasn't doing any good to focus on something out of her hands, she knew, but it was difficult to beat the habit. She thought of Neru, and Rin, and Neru again and knew she had to worry about the announcement at noon, and then she could go...home?

Home. It was the only time she'd thought of that place that way.

What had...changed?

She circled the town, waiting and watching as people slowly crawled out of the woodwork, and finally-

-the bell.

Noon.

She made her way quickly back to the square: there was a huge gathering, it was a wonder the town had hidden so many people such a short time ago. The crowd was full of frightened whispers and murmurs as Haku navigated through the crowd of bodies, getting closer to the front with a flurry of pardons and apologies, listening to them as she went-

"Is it true? Is the queen out there?"

"We saw her die though!"

"How can this be?"

"-and I was right there when it happened, I know, I'd never forget that _witch_-"

She stopped dead in her tracks as she got close enough to see the center platform of the square.

Kaito.

His brothers.

And between them, arms in arms, struggling bitterly, Lily.

But what drew her attention the most out of everything was the guillotine, standing tall like a looming secret held out of reach from everyone's comprehension, its shadow yawning over and spilling into the crowd. The blade was flecked with old rust and the faded blood of those that had gone before.

The sight of it alone made her want to back away, but so many bodies were pressing in close behind her, and she could only watch. A feeling of deep, incredible foreboding left her legs numb and immobile with fear.

"Not one of you standing before me-" Kaito's voice sounded clear over the crowd, forcing a fearful hush over most of the whispers, "-hasn't lost something to her. Just as I standing before you, have. I come before you today with a promise, and a declaration!" He stepped towards the guillotine and nodded curtly to his brothers, who brought Lily forward.

"What are you-? Let go! Have you lost your mind?" Lily screamed with increasing panic, doing everything she could to resist being forced to her knees, her neck draped over the old wood beneath the cruel blade-

"Just as her _royal majesty-_" Kaito spat with sarcastic acidity, almost _manic_,"-before me took my beloved-" He had to raise his voice over Lily's screams and the bedlam rising in the crowd, "I decree that this is the fate that awaits every yellow-haired girl! In this country, and as many as can be reached!"

It fell.

Too quickly for Haku to look away.

Lily's screams vanished, preceeding a moment, a _bead_ of complete, horrified silence.

Then, insanity.

Running, everyone was running, pushing, Haku was falling, palms grazing the stone, pushing herself back to her feet-

It was happening all over again.

A single word. Just the one. In her.

Just Neru.

She stood.

And she ran.

**A/N: **Hey! I'm so sorry for the late update, but as you can see this chapter was really big and really important! I hope it was worth the wait and rest assured I'd never abandon this fic. It's my baby and I appreciate everyone's support so far. I can hardly believe how far it's come! This is officially the longest story I've ever attempted to tackle and I intend to finish it. Thanks again for sticking with me and reading so far, please leave a review if you feel like it!


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